People Watcher

2001-06-28T22:02:00.000-04:00

Idle Speculation

When people have nothing better to do than bitch and moan, they often turn to gossip, or it's cousin, idle speculation to fill the time. Those of exiled to Project Hades have no life to speak of, so we only have idle speculation. Other than the numerous lottery pools on the project team (no one wants to be the one who didn't play and get stuck with the whole project) where we fantasize about quitting, we don't have much to go on. I've often said that lotteries are a tax on people who can't do math, but lately we've been debating whether a 3 million minimum jackpot split 4 ways after tax is really all that bad...
We tend to random rambling thoughts on the team. Anything can spark a debate or arguement. I am especially tense given that my back-up and co-worker had a family emergency and will be out for at least another week. I'm flying solo and everything has decided to hit the fan now. I was a bit overwhelmed and was asked to do an exercise that should have no relevence in the light of our current project. I stated as much in my assumptions in the analysis. When reviewing it with upper management and the MIS department, I restated that my assuption was based on the current state of the union. They reassured me that my numbers were valid. It didn't even occur to me that the only reason they could be valid would be if the project deadline is postponed. So now I am secretly entertaining the hope that we might get a reprieve. I've shared my story with a couple of team members as I was not told this was a confidential exercise. I also tried getting more info from the looser lips in charge of the project, but no confirmation yet. Just the thought that we have more time is enough for me.
So I'm rambling. Shoot me. I'm chasing rainbows today.

2001-06-24T10:05:00.000-04:00

Credit Where Credit Is Due

Has it really been nearly two weeks? Project Hades has been especially trying recently as my presence has been required at both the corporate offices and the project offices. I've been going in at 7am to corporate, putting in three hours, then driving to project offices and putting in another six or so hours. I've been getting home about 12 hours after I begin the day, and haven't even had time to deal with the personal issues in life. Grocery Shopping at 10:30 at night is rather serene however, and I might continue this even after necessity no longer requires it. The laundry is overflowing, my car is dirty, my yard is overgrown, and my other half is too busy to pick up the slack. Some days I feel lucky to have time to bathe...

Wednesday, I encountered a professional situation that is unfortunately all too common - the unsolicited credit grab. This occurs when one person does all the work and another either tries to take all the credit or piggyback and get some of the glory for themselves. Fortunately it was not a hostile action against me, but then, anyone who knows me knows better than to usurp my work. In this case, I had sent a request for information to my counterpart in another department. This person forwarded my e-mail request to two individuals, either of whom would be able to execute the task. One of them promptly answered me back with the correct data, and I responded back with the appropriate thanks to all who were copied. This prompted an e-mail from the second person stating that they wanted credit for their part in the task. The first responded back that the person's contribution was to refrain from bothering them while they did the work. While the server processed those e-mails, I sent a question back about some of the data, and the first person repsonded back immediately again. I thanked him for the additional input. At this point, I had a meeting and shut down e-mail for the day. When I returned, it was a couple of hours later, and the e-mail chain had died off with the last e-mail I had read anyway. Not wanting to get involved in another department's politics, and knowing from my previous work experience in their department that this was a simple task for the people with the data, I just chalked it up to petty squabling and ignored the situation.

The next day, I was at the corporate office and decided to stop by the office of the credit grabber to find out why on earth someone would engage is such an obvious and unprofessional act. I entered with "I'm not exactly clear on your contributions to my request, but wanted to thank you anyway." The person stated "Too little too late." We proceeded to discuss it for the next couple of minutes. Apparently, the e-mail debate continued on between the members of their department (I was cut out of the loop) beyond the initial exchange. After hearing exactly what this person's contributions were, and they were not signifigant if one knows what one is doing, I pointed out that the other person may have benefitted from their contributions, but that they obviously had the know how and information to do the job themselves and the way that the person had solicited credit looked just a little self serving. I was prepared to let the issue die, but not this person. He continued to rant on for ten more minutes, even degenerating a little on a personal level. Wanting to put an end to this, I suggested that next time they originate results under their own e-mail so that there is no question in future as to their contributions, but that I would be willing to send an e-mail to the group recognizing their contribution. I even considered an apology for the oversight just to shut this person up, but recognizing that this person would not accept an apology, I wisely did not offer one.

What frustrated me is that I was not wrong. Stealing credit is wrong, and that looked to be what was happening. Even though they may have made a small contribution to the effort, it was hardly worth all the stress they brought upon themselves. I offered a couple of alternatives to remedy the situation, and all were refused. The complete unwillingness to work toward peace and harmony was the least professional of all. I should not have been dragged into another department's in-fighting and it certainly shouldn't have been take out on me. Hopefully this will be the last time I need to deal with this person on a professional level.

2001-06-07T21:55:00.000-04:00

Celebrate

Unlike my significant other, I have had the best birthday week in years. Because of my back and forth work situation with Project Hades, the people I would choose to celebrate with were not always available to meet up with on my actual birthday, so I have been wined and dined all week long. I've eaten four different cakes, been out for lunch, cocktails, etc... People say I'm handling my advancing years with grace and dignity, but when it's a non-stop party, it's hard to be ungracious.

I will pay dearly for the excess food and libation, but there's time for penace on the weekends. Unless of course, I can find a pardoner in this day and age. I don't feel my age, look my age, or act my age, and I don't plan to start now. I just hope life agrees with me from this point on.

My immediate co-workers got me a whoopie cushion - big spenders. They made me use it. Robbed me of my dignity, but who am I to complain. It's the least they could do after the customize graphics I provided for their birthday greetings over the past year. Dr. Evil and Jabba the Hut must have especially had it in for me.

If you want to screw with people's minds, when they ask how old you are, give them a number that is ten years older than reality. Let them tell you how well preserved you are "for your age." If you are going to lie about your age, don't lie younger.

Best advice is to enjoy the party. No point in obsessing over things outside of your control. At least enjoy the buzz while it lasts.

Happy Birthday going forward to all.

2001-06-03T19:39:00.000-04:00

Another Year

Today is my significant other's birthday. He thinks he is handling it well. I wish to disagree. He woke up with stiffness and pain, and decided it was a psychosematic coincidence. I tried to wish him a happy birthday. He bitched and moaned. I pointed out that he was now three years older than me instead of two, he bitched more. And more. He had told me a couple of days ago that I could wish him a happy birthday, but he didn't want any kind of celebration.

Today is also the birthday of my best friend's nephew. He's eight. He couldn't be more thrilled that it is his birthday. My best friend invited me over for the occaision. Her very large and extended family often has big "bring everyone you know" kind of parties. My other half thought the invitation was a conspiracy to celebrate his birthday as well. As if we would inflict his misery on the happy occasion of the eight year old's celebration. Just what he needs - to see an old man crabbing about how old he is, how old he's getting, and how old everyone around him is getting as well.

My birthday is in three days. I am much more accepting of the passage of time. I believe in Budhism that it is said one cannot live until one can accept that they will die. I accept it, and my spouse does not. He claims he goes through a midlife crisis everyday. He also claims because of this, he'll never have a classic midlife crisis. More likely, he will find himself going mad. I'd hate to see how miserable he's be if he wasn't in such great shape. Not many men his age have a completely firm body and 13% body fat. He should be happy that he is so well preserved. Instead, he allows this to bother him.

So I went to the eight year old's party without him. I had a great time, ate good food, saw people I don't get to see often, and came home later to deal with Mr. Party Pooper. After all, it is still his birthday. So what if he doesn't want to acknowledge it - it happens every year, and he can't change it. So, when he finally reads this, Happy Birthday. You're another year older. Get over it. After all, you aren't even forty yet - when that happens in a few years, then you can start complaining. Enjoy life. Love Ya!

2001-05-31T06:28:00.000-04:00

The Trail

Television is for the most part a vast wasteland, but I hope I am not stating anything that one does not already know. Whomever coined the term "Must See TV" for the pablum that passes for entertainment should be shot. I consider must see TV to be those extraordinary events that are important to the the individual. I think the best example would be the moon landing in 1969. Some might consider championship sporting events to be must see events, other like royal weddings. Serial comedies and dramas that will eventually enter sydication if they are good or at least popular, or will be terminiated quickly if they are horrible do not constitue an imperative to view on my part. There are a handful of series I watch on a periodic basis, some more regularly than others. Other shows I have gotten to know through syndication. I don't let TV drive my life and free time, and while my significant other may while away his time in front of the tube, watching re-runs of the Crocidile Hunter, I usually find other things to do. There are a couple of series I like to tune into on a regular basis, but life goes on if I miss one. I wont divulge my series preferences, because they may be too telling. I do like to watch movies however, and if I am in a vegetative mode, I have no qualms about selecting a movie as my viewing preference.

The cornerstone of the Must See TV lineup is Friends. Even those living under a rock have encountered these six at some point in their channel surfing lives. It has popular appeal, but why wouldn't it. It has a large cast with enough idiosyncrasies that anyone in America could identify with, if not personally, by interaction with others. I don't watch the original broadcasts, but I have seen it in syndication. I find most episodes so inane I could only watch them once, as there is some element of the plot that is so painfully idiotic it renders the entire episode unwatchable. The show was best in the earlier years, before they ran out of ideas and reverted back to sophmoric behavior and classic sitcom death throes such as the wedding of two of the principals. One episode that stands out is the one when Ross and Rachel break up, and Ross hooks up with the Copy Girl. The next day, Joey and Chandler advise Ross that Rachel might find out if there is a "trail" - a series of people that learn of what happened and pass it on, eventually to the one person Ross does not want to find out - Rachel. Of course, despite his best efforts and a highly implausible series of people, the word eventually gets to her. While some may believe the moral of this is "don't get caught" it is more complicated. Ross did nothing wrong, technically. Poorly timed, yes, but wrong, no. Rachel would likely not have cared less a year later. He may still not have wanted her to find out, but the sting would be much less. Of course, with the passage of time, the trail should get colder and the odds of her hearing about this would have lessened. Still, the true moral is that there is no statute of limitations on human behavior. Someone could always remember or bring something up. It happens to celebrities and political candidates all the time. They left a "trail" they believed was dead, and it was just cold. Nothing like noteriety to warm it up again. Granted, most people are not celebrities, but we all have cold trails back to questionable events in our lives.

Now for the tie-in to my reality. This past week, a new employee in an affiliated department was hired by another member of the Project Hades team. This person turned out to be an old friend of my significant other and acquaintance of mine, as well as my ex at work. So now I have to speculate. Does he remember I dated this other co-worker? My goal, as always has been to keep my private life private, and I certainly am not so juvenile as to ask him to not mention something that is likely forgotten. I don't like the idea that there is a potential trail, but I think the best means, as with the original situation is to warn of the gossipy nature of the office and offer the indirect advice that personal issues are best left out of this workplace. Unlike my ex, I will be working with this person on a regular basis, so I will have the opportunity to re-establish a rapport. Not a huge concern, but one must be ever vigilant in ones doings.

2001-05-22T21:30:00.000-04:00

Moral High Ground

I venture away from observation to introspect and discussion after an interesting lunch. Preface to say that I was not at the office today and indulged in a couple of brews as did my lunch companion. Nothing like legal controlled substances to lead one off the beaten path of safe topics. I had been trying to get together for lunch with this friend for a few weeks without tag alongs so that we could talk about subjects best left outside the workplace. However, the conversation drifted and we wound up discussing Sex and Morality.

What had started off as a harmless discussion took a turn when to make a point, my friend hesitated to complete her thought. She was discussing a relationship she had many years ago as well as one she was currently in, and it seemed like she was making a judgement call as to whether I might be offended by what she would say. To put her at ease, I stated that "Sex is a physical act. Morality is other peoples hangups over the act itself." After thanking me and making her point, this was the springboard to discussion of some of the grayer areas of morality. I believe that for true morality to work, one must develop a framework for ones own moral beliefs. Part of that may be shared moral expectations, such as that of the church, but it is for the individual to decide. As a more religious person, my friend had a hard time seperating the morality she was taught from what she believed may be right and what actually felt right. Her result was some guilt about certain issues. My beliefs and actions are very clear as they are my own, cultivated from a lifetime of experiences. They are more conservative in some respects, and less in others. I also believe that my moral framework is my own and other people's are their own. There are certain behaviors that are inappropriate in any circumstance and those who cannot abide by them should be punished, such as in the case of rape or crimes against children or animals because the key to these crimes is that only the perpetrator is exercising their free will. With these documented exceptions, who am I to judge others? There are those who violate wedding vows every day. Is it because their moral framework is looser than mine, or is it because they never developed one? What of the other party to adultery? Are they only responsible for their own behavior, or should they be responsible for the fact that their partner violated their vows? Did they wrong the spouse of their partner, or is that responsibility entirely upon the wandering spouse? What if it isn't a marriage, but just a relationship? Does the adultery standard apply? I believe in the simple adage, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you respect yourself and those you are with, respect will be shown to you in return. Isn't that the fundamental idea that is missing from outright proclamations such as "Thou shalt not commit adultery?"

It made for interesting debate, as did the basic concept of sex as a physical act. If it wasn't a biological imperative, would people be so driven to get it? Is the physical need so great that the moral framework collapses easily? Is it possible to build a moral framework that can absolutely withstand the the drive for sex? I believe there are some who can, and many who cannot live a life of chastity. However, the framework is easier to build with a foundation of marital or committed relations because the concepts are no longer mutually exclusive. The framework is shakier when there is no relationship at the foundation; it must be more flexible to satisfy the need. Is the compelling need for sex an excuse for infidelity? The answers lie within.

When you work at a large company, you see these behaviors all the time. People who cross the line, people who don't. People who tell others why what they did was right or wrong. People who are tempted and people who resist temptation. People who are committed to their relationships and people who disrespect them openly. You may only see one half of the equation, but you usually see it more honestly without the other half present anyway. For all those who contend with these deamons, there are also those who judge. As an opinionated observer of the human condition, I tend to ply a holier than thou course, but find it better to let others handle their own moral situations. I reserve the right to judge the specific situation for what it is, but I'll never judge the morality. I told my friend today that a man who won't commit won't change. If he won't dump you, and he won't break up with his live-in girlfriend, he's just enjoying the double whammy and if all you want is sloppy seconds, then you're in the right relationship. I have nothing to say as to whether what she did was right or wrong. What was wrong in my mind was that she wasn't respecting herself enough to move on to something better. Whose to say that he wouldn't do the same thing again if he chose her? I hope she moves on. I'm certainly not going to validate the arrangement for her. Unless of course, she is getting exactly what she wants out of it. Then power to her.

2001-05-19T09:55:00.000-04:00

Supply and Demand

Supply and demand is the most basic of economic theories. When there is inordinate demand for an item, the available supply diminishes. As demand drops, the supply increases. Conversely, when there is limited supply, demand will certainly take the available supply, and when the supply is excessive, demand will leave parts of the supply untouched. They are two forces working upon each other, ideally to an equilibrium. At least this is the purest concept, and it hold true in instances of survival in the animal kingdom, for example. Not so in the human world. There are external forces that act upon the basic model, skewing it in a manner that dirupts the true relationship between the two. Greed, marketing, and artificial supply constraints. Today's case study is Concert Tickets. World reknown artist announces tour but will only play a select number of dates. MTV and VH1 hype up this must see event. Friend talks me into going (artist is good, even if commercial) then tells me I have to be the one to procure the tickets. No big deal, it's not like I haven't done this before.

In the eighties, people used to line up first come first served for events. They would camp out for days, and as people waited, tempers flared, crimes were committed, and people were unhappy. At this juncture, the concept of a lottery was introduced. For years, this system worked well, and I worked the system well. I would pull lottery tickets in multiple locations nearby with friends. We would make a quick judgement on our line placement, and would either stay or leave. We'd quickly figure out our best option and go with it. As I got older, I would just hope for good placement at one location, lacking the time to engineer the multiple location stakeout. Nowadays, tickets are sold through fewer and fewer outlets. Mob scenes tend to be the norm. Internet distribution is only as good as the infrastructure of the distribution site, plus the speed of your personal connection.

So, I had to make a choice. Brave the crowds or try the digital solution. Knowing how poorly the ticket monopoly performs on-line based on purchases made for lower demand events (opera, sports, etc...) I knew that I had no choice but to suffer the experience with the general public. Crowd pyschology is interesting enough, but put a spoiled materialistic crowd in a line on a hot day with no concession, no shade, and no real chance at obtaining the desired commodity, and it is a recipie for anarchy. Things were calm enough when the AC crowd was chatting away on their cell phones about their progress in line. I was ahead of a group of young twenty somethings who were excitedly retelling their story of the greatest day of their life - when they skipped school to try to spy the performer in question at their home and had been threated by the star with a call to the police if they did not stop pressing the intercom buttons. Hmmm.... the singlemost accomplishment of their lives - truancy, criminal stalking and tresspass. Just the type of people I want to spend the next hour in line with. Why can't they talk on their cell phones instead of talking to me! I politely endured this type of torturous drivel for the next twenty minutes or so. Meanwhile, I am starting to feel my skin burn. A customer comes back by the line announcing "they're only selling single seats..." which was immediately dismissed by the stalker group as a ploy to shorten the line. I pointed out that this person had nothing to gain as they got into their car and left, but there was no persuading them. I stayed on, hoping that I could buy two single seats in the same or neighboring sections - I wasn't so insecure I needed to sit with my friend. The line thinned a bit, and I was within twenty or so people of rounding the corner to where I could stand underneath the covered area when the news broke: Sold Out.

Let me tell you, you would have thought this was a natural disaster that wiped out all shelter and potable water the wailing and crying that was going on. Could these spoiled brats have survived a true disaster? It was pathetic the importance they had ascribed to the act of obtaining tickets. The worship of false idols to the worst exteme. Still, credit is due to the marketing machine that made this all possible. Admire the mechanations, but not the results. I went home slightly annoyed at the wait in the sun, but none the worse for wear. There are other means to the ends, its just a matter if it is worthwhile to pursue the goal. If only the mob could see this for what it is, a simple case of supply and demand run amok. A passing van had the right idea: "The artist is ripping you off!" they screamed as they drove by. How right they were.

2001-05-08T23:59:00.000-04:00

Privacy Rights and the Individual

It's been awhile, and Project Hades has me running ragged. Our offsite workarea has added two hours to my commute, basically curtailing any free time I might have had. I now officially eat, sleep, bathe, commute, and work. Weekends, I am busy researching the novel that will get me out of this hell: The Joy of Laundry, Laundry, and more Laundry. It keeps me out of trouble, but it also keeps me from things I enjoy. Because I am working with a project group, I am getting overexposed to one group of people, and I am prevented from experiencing a greater cross-section of the population.

So, to gain control, I have scheduled a once a week yoga class. I need to stay limber, it is late enough that my commute won't cause me to miss it on a regular basis, and one can never underestimate the value of being able to put your feet behind your head; I used to be able to pull this stunt off but lately I have lost some flexibility. I know a lot of people who think yoga is flakey, but I am one of the few people my age that isn't bitching and moaning about one ailment or another and the inevitible breakdown with age. Flexibility keeps you young. I was out with a friend tonight who is four years older than me, which puts them withing spitting distance of the big 4-0. We were talking about the careers of ballplayers, specifically the rapid decline of some aging superstars. My friend remarked that if they felt anywhere near as bad as he does, and he is in the same age group, they should just hang it up because it doesn't get better. I don't believe that, and pointed out that I don't suffer from chronic pains and aches. I was told that it will happen soon, but I don't believe it. I would suggest to anyone reading that they give yoga a chance. For those with limited motor ability, it may take awhile, but you will see improvement.

What a tangent. Last entry was the latest of the Promotion stories. My colleage, assigned to report to a manager that is best described as incompetent, has already shared a number of ditz moments that have occured in their short tenure. Today's took the cake. The manager wants the members of their staff to provide the passcodes to their voice mails. Can anyone explain why a manager needs the passcode to access another person's voicemail? My first instinct is that this violates some type of privacy right of the individual, and after some thought, I conceeded that I might be wrong on that specific point. However, even if it doesn't, it is certainly something that should be raised with Human Resources. It just stinks. It is beyond comprehension that any employee, let alone long term senior employees, should be treated in this manner. As we are fond of saying among our group: Give them enough rope, they will hang themselves. No executive will tolerate gross incompetence that will reflect poorly on themselves. Once they get wind of poor decisions made by their subordinates, things will be corrected. The one consistency we have seen over the years is that there are the types of people who come and go, and the types that survive. We are the survivors. We outplay, outwit and outlast. Now if we could only shorten the period of time it takes to discover incompetence...

2001-04-26T23:14:00.000-04:00

Promoted to One's Level of Incompetence Part Deux

Another corporate tale of the stealth promotion of a co-worker of questionable skills to a management position. Unlike the previous situation, where the promotee was competent but green, this case involves the promotion of a long term employee who has accomplished essentially nothing other than brown nosing the decision maker and giving a complete snow job. I dined with a colleage in another division that is undergoing restructuring, and as polite conversation, I pointed out that they had not told me about the recent changes. I had been talking about the reassignment of a workteam that supports my group, and that was no secret. They proceeded to dump upon me their tale of woe - they had been assigned to the aforementioned manager, one who knows nothing of what they do, has no hope of ever understanding, let alone learning the basics of the job. It was an administrative promotion of an ass-kissing yes person. It is highly unlikely that someone who cannot format a spreadsheet has all of a sudden developed the requisite skills to manage a technical staff. I just got a call from them a couple weeks ago when they had trouble with their scroll lock.

I knew immediately that my friend's resume must already be prepared, as I certainly would have done so myself had it been me. I asked about which firms they had considered, suggested one they may not have considered, and asked if they planned to move, knowing that they had property in the next county. This will be a critical loss for the Project Hades team should they decide to leave, but this poorly conceived decision will have reprecussions. Even if they decide to tough it out for the paycheck, their morale will be devistated. After their cathartic b**** session, they accussed me of getting the dirt in a Machiavellian fashion. Like most poorly conceived ideas, upper management seems to be dragging their feet in making it public.

So which is worse? I have to believe that a green employee with potential is better than a gross incompetent with seniority. In a perfect world, these matters would be thought through more carefully.

2001-04-21T22:31:00.000-04:00

M.Y.O.B.

I'm a private person. I don't mind making enough cursory chit chat to ensure that I don't come across as a total loner, but it is nearly always superficial and general in nature. Just the facts Jack. I have no qualms about talking about my home repairs, current events of a non political nature, sports, etc... I do not discuss my personal life with co-workers (outside of those who I consider to be friends first, and co-workers coincedentally.) So why would people with whom I am not close conspire to invade my privacy? I am the victim of a full scale initiative to break my code of silence. It is an irrational action, and what is the mission of these interlopers? To determine if I am pregnant.

As I had mentioned before, I had been sick awhile. I took a few days, and when I was in, I looked and sounded like hell. I was incredibly tired, and hadn't been sleeping well, so I looked plain bad. I hadn't been eating much, and so I was drinking a lot of fluids. When one drinks a lot of fluids, the frequency of bathroom visits tend to increase as well. This circumstantial evidence was shaped into a whole pregnancy theory. Many jumped to the same conclusion, some working together, some working alone. Then they would confront me. One woman kept droping hints, one talked about how cute baby clothes are nowadays, one counted the number of times I was observed in the bathroom, one pointed out my eating habits, and so on. What is it with women that they think they have the right not only to jump to conclusions, but to assume that I would undergo some sort of spontaneous personality transplant that would actually make me want to talk about babies and other cutsey garbage? What an invasion of privacy. Of course, all I can say is that I am not pregnant, and then they accuse me of denying it. One said something about waiting for the first trimester to be over before announcing. They kept talking about baby clothes and what the kid would look like. Thrills.

The speculation got so bad, that one of my Male co-workers, after hearing endless speculative drivel, came to me to ask about the rumors. He was very uncomfortable doing so, but was close enough of a friend that he really wanted to know. He could see I was very annoyed with all the gossip, and I told him the truth, that I am not expecting. I don't know if it was co-incidence, but after my conversation with him, I stopped getting well-wishes and questions about nursery colors. Hooray! He was also embarassed to ask, but I didn't mind telling him. We are friends going way back as well as co-workers, and he was a good friend, taking my response at its word.

Why should women believe that it is their right to not only speculate as to ones condition, but to gossip madly about it and otherwise insinuate themselves into your personal affairs without an invitation. I would certainly never do that, and would not approach another women to even comment unless the information was in the public domain. These people need to MYOB. Strangely enough, men usually do not suffer from this rudeness (however, they are not immune to stupidity, and will be called on it when an appropriate demonstration occurs!)
I don't like to generalize on gender lines of all things, but in this case, my observations are documentable.

Hopefully, if they chose not to believe me, and continued to speculatively gossip behind my back, they will believe me now after kicking back after work on Friday, chugging a couple of beers and singing Karaoke. Not exactly the behavior of an expectant mother...

2001-04-17T19:16:00.000-04:00

A Comedy of Ineptitude?

Some days are priceless. Enough fodder for pages, but I think I'll just hit the low-lights. Let's start with a 9am meeting, in a room without enough chairs, so I need to go early to get a seat. Continental Breakfast, so that's a plus. The meeting begins with a team building exercise, perpetuated upon us by the training department. (I can still hear the collective groan from the group.) Tell me if this isn't stupid: Write down a problem you are having with the project. Then, the problems are randomly distributed and you have to write a solution for the one you receive. Never mind that we all represent different subjects and knowledge bases. I wrote down my problem: No functional specifications. It was distributed to one of the top IT staff members who wrote exactly what was being done to rectify the situation. This was the first written committment I had gotten, as they had avoided answering my e-mail whenever possible. Later today, I would tell my boss about this stupid exercise with the closing comment. "To Mr. X, it was a team building exercise. To me, it is evidence."

Once that joyous exercise was completed, three "award" certificates were presented. I got one for being "Self-Directed and Proactive." My neighbor to the right got a "Persistence" award. We translated these to be awards for "Self Serving Me First Attitude" and "Pest." More stupid warm fuzzy exercises. Project management is trying to win friends and influence people. Why? Oh, let me tell you why. Once we had been fed and lulled into a stupor, we were told "No vacations for six months" with the lovely addition "We are trying to work on an incentive plan for not taking vacation time" which means to me that there is no plan yet to compensate us. Rather premature announcement without a full plan. Riots ensued, we burned the building to the ground, and then I woke up and returned back to my cubicle sans walls, only to find....

One of my employees talking to someone else and saying one of those catch phrases that spells trouble: "How do you plan to make that work in the system?" Needless to say, the answer was poor, and it set off a red alert of panic among those who would suffer. Needless to say, the bad idea originated from Sales or Marketing, and was committed to before a feasibility study was done. Now there was an impossible deadline for a project with so many failure points one doesn't know where to begin. An emergency meeting was convened in the afternoon, when we dissected this plan and probably made the messenger (decision makers never come to these meetings) cry, although she toughed it out in front of us. We certainly shot holes in it. Now its back in their court to either come to their senses or mandate stupidity. Until then, we wait.

If that wasn't enough, my boss calls me outside for a brief meeting. Its never good when you get called outside. He managed to hit every raw nerve that's been bothering me in the last month, starting with the performance evaluation on my less than stellar employee to whether I would be apply for the postion that was available, and he kept hounding me for the reason why I wasn't applying. I told him my "official" reasons and that the discussion was over, although thinking in hindsight, he would be the one person who could really give me perspective on the situation since he has to deal with his ex-wife at the office. Still, confidentiality and cooler heads prevail. I'll just keep repeating my mantras: "Nothing good can come of this" and "This is a textbook example of a bad career move."

2001-04-15T17:56:00.000-04:00

A Slow Boil

There is nothing like idle time to allow things to eat at you. Weekends can be especially hazardous when you are bent out of shape over something. A couple of logs ago, I mentioned a job that was available, and a damn good reason for me to not take it (an ex-boyfriend in a higher job position within the department). It was easy enough then to say I wouldn't, but since then, a number of persons have asked me if I was planning to apply, to which I responded with a simple "no." I actually had a couple of people call me an idiot for not applying. The thing that really got to me was when the departing individual, who is conducting the interviews for his replacement, asked me if I would be applying. This was not someone who I could just give a simple "no" to, and I hadn't anticipated having to explain my actions. I did manage to come up with a plausible explanation that my technical field is a growth field, while his, by evidence of his departure, is a dead end with no potential for advancement. He fully agreed with me, validated my judgement, and I managed to avoid burning that bridge. I managed to get him to keep me in mind in case his consulting practice takes off, and I promised to keep him in mind if I needed some outside work done. Now if I could only convince myself that those were the reasons, I think I would be ok. I know I am right on those points.

What bothers me is that I have some very strong feelings about the fact that I should not have to subjugate my career goals due to the presence of another individual. I am annoyed that our corporate policy requires that I disclose that I had a relationship with a co-worker, especially as it took place over a decade ago, lasted only a couple of months, and he was not employed there at the time. I resent that there is the potential to be a problem. While we have a peaceful co-existence, how much of that can be attributed to distance and no requirement that we work together. I am the type of person who loves to prove a point, but what point am I trying to prove to myself? I have many reasons not to do this and no real valid one to do this other than a couple thousand more dollars in my pocket. I've always believed that money can't buy happiness or peace of mind. When I ask myself "Will I achieve greater peace of mind by applying or not applying?" I know that I will not.

I also believe that you don't bite the hand that feeds you. I am one of the fortunate that loves what I do, works for a great boss, and is compensated pretty well besides. I have no financial need to chase after the extra money and a supportive spouse who has never seen me so neurotic in my life. Not a jealous bone in his body, but on the other hand, he has known the ex years longer than I had. To him, he has seen the cynical realist reduced to circular debate on ethical and emotional issues with no resolution as to what the correct solution should be. I can't wait to snap out of this and return to my arrogant, opinionated, bull-headed self again. So, my apologies for beating this dead horse, but until I get past this issue, I find it difficult to focus on my true purpose, criticizing others. Until then, I criticize myself.

2001-04-14T12:47:00.000-04:00

Salary Cap

This will be short - Baseball's Game of the Week is on at 1pm. If it is anything but the Red Sox/Yankees, I am going to be ticked off. For those who want to know, I am a Sox fan. I won't bore anyone with fan rhetoric, a courtesy I wish more people would extend. I have two guys on staff who are rabid sports fans. One is a home town loyalist. Dolphins, Marlins, Heat, Panthers. The other is a New York transplant. The home town fan, while displaying his loyalty in choice cubicle decor, doesn't force the rest of the office to listen to his rants about his or other teams. He'll mention if he went to a game, or saw a spectacular achievement; things that make for interesting conversation. Not so the New Yorker. Loud and opinionated, we endure his recap of the previous nights game every day. In detail. Along with the "Marlins Suck" refrain. This bore even puts off his other sports fan co-workers to the point they are willing to discuss most other subjects, with the possible exception of feminine hygenie or home decor. I haven't had to resort to these topics to shut the discussion down, but I have used it as a threat. "You know, I saw the cutest set of towels for the guest bathroon..." type of girly conversation that the women seem to engage in. The guys know the minute I start, the women will come out of the cubicle forrest and congregate to talk about textiles. This is one of the most effective threats I have in the arsenal. Needless to say, I would make a quick escape, because I enjoy that type of conversation even less that sports rants.

I really meant to talk about Baseball, and I had planned this to be a sort of "opening day" discussion, but problems with the service prevented me from posting. Another baseball season is underway, in which a new gazillionaire has been crowned, Alex Rodriguez of the Texas Rangers. The Yankees have attempted to buy another championship by adding Mike Mussina to an already potent pitching rotation. My Red Sox added the best RBI man in recent history to fill their outfield. These men are earning astronomical salaries for playing a game. Every year, the question is raised: Is the compensation system out of whack? Is it better to let the free market set the price, with a team paying what they feel a player is worth, unrestrained as to whether it will eventually lead to a small "ultra" league and a bunch of quadruple A teams developing the talent so the ultras can buy another championship, or is there a need for parity - to continue to sustain interest in the game in all major metropolitan markets. I think the time has come for the Baseball Antitrust Exemption to be called into question. The market is not competitive, and don't point to Toronto and Minnesota championships in the last decade or so as a counterarguement. In a truly competitive market, you wouldn't be able to eliminate half or more of the teams from the playoffs on day one of the season.

That said, is Alex Rodriguez worth $252 million? In a vacuum, can he generate at least that much in revenue plus an acceptable rate of return beyond that number? I think the Rangers would be hard pressed to sell that many AROD t-shirts. Looking beyond, at others on the team, should Jeff Zimmerman, a middle reliever, earn more than George W. Bush as the leader of the free world? (And while President Dumb-Ass is not the most competent leader, he is doing a job and should be compensated as well.) Considering George Dubya's ownership position, this is an especially revealing questions as to the value of work. I guarantee that there isn't a huge demand for Zimmerman t-shirts. I think Dubya would do better in that concession.

So, is there something wrong with the picture? Yes. Should it be fixed? Yes. Will it take the removal of the Antitrust Exemption to actually do something about it? Most likely. Will we continue to watch baseball? I hope so. It's a game, a tradition, and a business. These need to be balanced for its survival.

2001-04-12T22:35:00.000-04:00

Promoted to One's Level of Incompetence

This is a tired phrase, but can be oh, so accurate. Nothing like recessionary times to prompt businesses to find ways to cut costs, reduce headcount, and joy of joys, re-engineer processes and workgroups. Fiscal resources are diverted to rush to fix things that are not within the control of the business. Fortunately, my workgroup will be spared, and if anything, will continue to grow. It's fortunate to work in a good situation, but sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side of the fence...

One thing that happens as one advances in a career is that fewer and fewer advancement possibilities present themselves. In the last year, I had seen exactly zero promotions come available for which I qualified, and only one or two lateral (same salary grade) positions for departments I would never consider working with. So when I spotted a position that would be a promotion (a small one, but still a promotion), for which I qualified my curiosity was piqued. The next step is due dilligence. People who apply for jobs just for the money (and there are tons of them out there!) are nuts. Why is the job available? Whose job was it? Is it a new position? Am I truly qualified, or marginally. These and more should be asked before even considering applying. As someone who hires employees, nothing pisses me off more than an applicant who doesn't know what the job entails, is not qualified, or knows about the business operation. Actually, there is one thing worse. The applicant who has the above deficiencies and tries the hard sell to get me to hire them. Don't waste my time or yours. Learn about the job, then apply if and only if you meet the qualifications.

Since I practice what I preach, I made a call to find out about the vacancy. I had a direct source, and contacted them for the bottom line. I expected that this person would be applying for the position as well, so I stated my reason for calling upfront. While the job was exactly what I assumed it to be, I was told that there was more to tell, and that we had to talk later. Later meant the next day. A series of meetings and a working lunch only allowed us about 10 minutes to talk. Turns out that there was to be some of the dreaded "re-engineering" in this workgroup. A lot of people were up in arms about some of the preliminary changes, and when I heard the details, I could definitely sympathize. With both sides. Apparently, persons who seemed to be a target for possible "housecleaning" were all organized to report to a relatively new employee, who was promoted. Hard enough for some people to take, but this person does not have substantial experience in the industry, and is younger than his new "staff." Now, I have a problem with age as a deciding factor in competence, because it is not relevant, but I do see why senior persons with industry experience might be bent out of shape with a newcomer directing them. It's a tough pill to swallow for some. It looks like this person is being set up to be a hatchet man because someone doesn't want the direct responsibility of cleaning house. That and the possibility that once the dirty work is done, they may not be able to hack the position is definitely in the minds of the masses. Not a pleasant thought, and needless to say, this makes this workgroup an unattractive possibility for which a small raise is not just compensation. The position I am looking at does not report to the "hatchet man" but the whole situation just smells bad. Now, if this isn't bad enough, the "hatchet-man" who will receive a title that is a management level higher than mine, a defacto superior, is none other than my ex-boyfriend.

As I told my friend, "I wish you good luck, but nothing good can come of this for me." without elaborating on the specifics. Why create problems in ones life. And for what? A couple thousand more dollars? If I believed in therapy, I would probably have to spend it there. More realistically, it would be spent of stress relief. I don't suffer from work stress. Never will, as I do what I enjoy and do it well. I don't currently suffer from workplace stress, but why start now. I wish the ex well with what is certainly a mission to fail. I don't know his complete potential, but I know that he will certainly be challanged in this endeavor. I get to avoid stress and take the high road. It's a good day after all.

2001-04-02T16:25:00.000-04:00

Technical Difficulties

After losing my blog twice, I am hoping that this will take. I certainly have enough material stored for a few days - now if I could only remember to save a copy before posting. You do get what you pay for in some situations. Not that I'm not grateful to Blogger for this outlet. I've made things worse in my situation as well. I am a plug-in junkie, and sometimes the plug-ins are conceptually sound and poorly executed. I've been having home PC issues all week.

So now I am working in caution mode. I am home sick from work, with a low grade fever, groggy head, and general malaise. This is the first time I've missed work for actual sickness in a few years. I usually get to burn my sick time as an extra vacation week in December due to extraordinary good health. Oh well, I still have the balance of the week for the holidays.

With the technical difficulties and Project Hades, I have not been able to keep as current as I would like. I am a good corporate citizen, so I won't work on this at work. Not because I am a goody-goody, but because I do run a risk of someone misinterpreting my commentary if they monitor my workstation. I like my job, and it isn't worth it for me to risk punitive action when it is so easily confined to my home hours.

I'm keeping this short for now. If I feel better, I'll post a second entry. Watch Eco-Challange on USA to see some real survivors conquer their envirnoment. It is a 12 day, 320 mile race through extremes of terrain, with no assistance. Teams of four compete for a piddling cash prize and lots of glory. Imagine Richard Hatch trying to do this. The first installment was last night. I am currently impressed with Team Playboy Extreme. The bunnies managed to salvage a situation that certainly might have disqualified many teams. Let's see how they hold up when they get to the leech infested tropics...This is a true test of survival skill. It beats any other reality show hands down. These have been going on for years, well before the reality TV craze. I've been watching the Eco-Challange specials for at least the last four annual events. I don't believe they televised before then. I would love to do this event, but I know my limitations. The Eco-Challange is no place for someone who sunburns as easily as I do, and I personally like to sleep when I'm tired. These people do not. Or they do take some minimal catnaps, but work on fatigue most of the time. 320 miles does not faze me. No cover from the sun does. Check out one of the broadcasts if you can.

2001-03-23T19:29:00.000-05:00

A Misguided Sense of Entitlement

It never ceases to amaze me the overdeveloped sense of entitlement and misplaced priorities that most people have. I have seen so many examples of this within the last week, way too many to list them all here. So, let me focus my ramblings on the few brilliant examples of the self-absorbed society at large.

Work is an interesting concept. A job has a description. An employee perfoms the job. Periodically, an employer must evaluate the employee performance. This is a thankless task in the world of the self absorbed. I have one employee who does the bare minimum required of him in his job. He shows no initiative to expand his role and likes to take on the easiest tasks. He does do what is asked of him, but because he shows limited potential, cannot be assigned the more complicated tasks. When he does these tasks, he needs guidance and direction. There are some elements of job performance in which he does exceed the performance requirements. He is organized, and communicates well with others. This doesn't help much if you don't understand the work thoroughly. I charitably evauated this employee at "performs job expectations" level, with concrete goals to improve performance. This person disputed my evaluation insisting that their performance was exceptional. Nevermind that everyone in the peer group, let alone the entire office, knows this person is a complete slacker/goof-off. Did I mention that this person did not read the entire evaluation. They went straight to the last page and looked at the overall checkbox. They totally disregarded the subratings and text comments. This person is experience in employee evaulation, and should know that their work was not exemplary, nor was the given rating unacceptable.

Anyway, this resulted in a lengthy written dispute in which they blamed me for their lack of performance, and an even longer conference with my boss, going over my head. I'll find out next week the results of that meeting. I'm not overly worried, as I know my boss has caught him surfing bimbo sites on the web during business hours more than once. I stand by my assessment, and I am certain I will be supported at higher levels. On the plus side, it was the quietest afternoon I got the pleasure of experiencing in a long time. This is also the loudest most disruptive employee in the office. If someone like this can delude themselves into believing that this is superior work performance, how many other lazy, mediocre, unmotivated clock punchers suffer from the same delusions? Since when is an evaluation a feel good experience? I will not engage in "grade inflation." which actually might be quite apropos, since this might be where many people get the idea that mediocre performance is to be rewarded with "feel good" assessments. Would it be fair to truly excellent employees if I gave this person the same rating that they received? Not at all. The interesting thing about most excellent employees is that they understand that hard work is rewarded, that evaluation is not an emasculation process, and that there is no entitlement.

So to those that believe the world not only owes you a living, but that it should also come wrapped in silk and gold, get over it. Understand that every other generation with the exception of the most recent has suffered numerous hardships, including war, racisim, pestilence, and famine. Many nations continue to suffer today as Americans wallow in the land of plenty. It is through hard work and pride that we excel.

2001-03-13T22:48:00.000-05:00

CYA and the new math

If only the world could be trusted at their word. Then the concept of CYA would be obsolete. Unfortunately, were that to happen, it would bring an end to the litigious society as we know it. Lawyers would be out of work and may even resort to lives of crime, or worse, customer service. Imagine trying to get it your way at a Burger King drive through with an out of work legal hack at the com...

Project Hades just gets worse and worse. Today, it was discovered that there was a substantial oversight in the contract, which would cost a few hundred thou to correct. Ouch! So of course, the witch hunt began immediately. Hell would freeze before they pinned this one on me, and as the queen of CYA, I was absolved and the appropriate screwup took the fall. Its not enough to know your job and know you've done the work, but you have to be prepared to defend anything you do. You would think playing for the same team would be easier than this. I had to find past e-mails in my archive in order to track the original documentation with a time stamp indicating submission of data prior to the execution of the contract. I am not part of the contractual process, and thank heaven for small favors, as this absolved me of any blame.

Despite the blame game, there is a silver lining. I may get the chance to do some innovative work rather than duplicating existing functions. I have the opportunity to create something special and hope I can get it in under the radar. I have a great concept that has emerged from a thorough process analysis and think that I will be able to put a revolutionary product out there (for the small business segment we serve - don't expect to see People Watcher on CNBC talking to the Brain and the Kahuna anytime soon!) If only!

The other observation I have is a gripe about an administrative issue. It's pay raise time and the incompetent fools in HR have completely undermined the system. They shifted the payscale across the board, but only gave us enough money to bring people up to the minimum (entry level) pay. This means that we have no room to differentiate performance. I can't give any one employee what they deserve, because it would cause a less deserving person to fall under the minimum pay rate. So much for merit. All merit levels to be compensated at the same rate does not provide incentive for them to excel. Besides, I have a fundamental problem: the fact is that experienced employees should achieve a position in the payscale proportionate to their tenure and performance levels and this process does not allow for it. How is it possible that they think it is OK for someone with X years experience and excellent performance to get the minimum pay just like a new hire would get if they came in tomorrow. Obviously, someone did not pay attention in their Human Resource management class. I hope its reflected in their performance review next year.

There are people who believe that Dilbert is a gross exageration. These people do not work in corporations.

2001-03-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

Off to the Races

I was fortunate enough to have won not one, but two sets of tickets to different events last weekend. People watching in the public forum is as pure as it gets - no knowledge of the subjects to influence your opinion, just pure speculation. Why let facts get in the way of snap judgement? I left work on Friday on top of the world, the walk out to my car was like a huge cathartic release, with light banter between myself and co-workers as we bolted from the office.

Saturday would be theater day. I made dinner at home and my other half and I went out for dessert, then walked to the theater. (or in his case, limped there on his broken foot) In the lobby I saw several people from work who also won tickets. My husband remarked that there were an inordinate number of technical people represented in the group. I pointed out that theater, unfortunately, is not favored by the general masses and the subject of the play in question made it less likely to attract the lower IQ set, a point he quickly conceeded to me. The play was "Violet" about a young womans acceptance of an accidental disfigurement. Hit a little close to home for me - between a mauling by a German Sheppard when I was two, and a car accident at eleven, I have a large amount of scar tissue on my face. In childhood, the scars were still fresh. Age has faded them - they aren't so apparent now. I could relate to the reactions of others to this character very well. After the play, my other half asked me about certain people he had observed, a couple who was visually obvious. The man was overdeveloped muscularly, obviously very into his appearance. He was accompanied by a woman who dressed inappropriately for the years her face had given away. I pointed out that there was indeed an age difference. She was a recent divorcee, nipped and tucked and dressing like a twenty year old when she is actually over 40. He is definitely a boy toy, scored on the rebound. I hope never to be so vain as to think that cosmetic surgery will ever make my life better. Why would anyone undergo an invasive procedure unless it was medically neccessary?

The next day, we went to the racetrack. The free passes I had could be used on days which concert acts perform. Air Supply would be performing that afternoon. I won't critique the concert other than to say that I understand why Air Supply is playing at horse tracks instead of arenas. Still they drew a huge crowd. I realize that the traditional days of the horse track are long gone - only owners bother to dress nice, and they don't do it all the time. The masses dress casually. The masses here represented so many different walks of life - but there were some common observations we made. The first is that when people can generally neglect their bodies when they are younger and still be able to maintain a vaguely healthy look, except those that truly abuse food or other substances. The next observation is that at around 30, ones appearance will take one of two divergent paths. Those who respect their bodies and their lives will remain healthy and age slowly and gracefully. Those who have other priorities will age rapidly. Smokers especially start to look old in their 30s, as do apparent workaholics, couch potatoes, and alcoholics and other substance abusers. Observing so many people entering a rapid decline is certainly motivation enough for me to be among the ones whose health and appearance do not go straight to hell. I should be among the fortunate. I shun the sun like a good techie, and my parents (especially my mom) have aged well. I actually like veggies and can easily pass on meat - I never keep any in my home. I also try to keep active, although I had an eight month layoff when work got busy, and I paid the price. Nothing like a wakeup call to motivate you to change bad habits though, and I think I'm committed enough to pull it off. Needless to say, my other half doesn't have to work so hard at it. His aging problems will be his diet, which is poorly constructed, and the fact that he gets too much incidental sun exposure. Not that he's fat. Far from it with a 13% body fat ratio. In fact, he got annoyed when it was measured, because the measurement was actually 12%, but the specialist had to add a percent because of his age. If I only had as good a metabolism. Oh well, I guess I'll have to exercise more instead...

2001-03-01T23:44:00.000-05:00

Fishes and Loaves in Hades

It's been a b**** of a week. In addition to the family's loss, my other half broke his toe, leaving me to handle a number of tasks in his stead. Why is it that people who sustain an injury feel that others are obligated to wait on them hand and foot? Who teaches these values? Why is it ok to whine rather than do for oneself? After a day or so of questions like these, things have settled into a routine. I work excessive hours on Project Hades and if he needs anything when he gets home, it won't get itself. Problem solved!

I am definitely into full project mode. I have reached a point where I am running on pure adrenaline. My metabolism is fully revved and I don't seem to need much sleep. I thrive in full project mode, even on Project Hades. I missed a meeting when taking a "bereavement day" during which all h*** broke loose. Actually, it didn't break loose. It took awhile for things to percolate and the lightbulbs to go off. Things have descended into a Dilbertian Tragic Comedia. The core issue is the deliverable product. The external development company plus our inhouse project manager had led us to believe that the requirement documents we had prepared would be the basis for the end result. Apparently, this is not the case. The project was estimated based on an executive summary, which omitted a number of details essential to the product. We did a review of the preliminary product to determine if any gaps existed. We were told that if a issue was raised, but was in our requirements documents, we really didn't need to report it. As a cynic, I reported problems anyway, but many actually listened to the project manager and let things slide. Now that the final product is planned, it is too late to retroactively identify gaps. Not that we would know what is missing anyway. We don't have a final specification document . We can only speculate what might be missing and report it. Now here is where it gets weird. We have been told outright that even if we document a gap, it will not be addressed. So we have been asked to go through this exercise so the data we collect can be ignored. It's not so critical for my division, but others will be hung out to dry. I imagine that the one question that is going through your heads is "This is a government agency, isn't it?" Well, I cannot reveal what the business is, but I can reveal that it is in the private sector, which is the tragic part. The gloves are off and it's no longer time to play nice with others.

I love stuff like this. The adrenaline rush is amazing. Random thoughts jsut shoot through my head. It makes all the other problems and issues so much less burdensome. I don't even eat, other than when I deliberately choose to do so. I actually had to schedule lunch in my calendar to make sure I didn't forget one day. Went out to lunch (the only time this week, and only because I was asked by the fish I threw back - see the company pier log) and barely ate a third of my meal. Even non-crisis issues, like the fish is out of mind, if not out of sight. After lunch with the fish, it is clear that there will be no privacy violations - neither of us had any interest in discussing any past issues whatsoever, but rather found common ground in the present - too bad it took a month to finally get the chance to talk. I am free to focus on more important things in my life. Maybe I can cure world hunger next - I certainly cured mine. More likely, I'll try to find a way to shut of adrenaline at night so I can get some sleep. Good Night to All!

2001-02-22T22:43:00.000-05:00

Day of the Dead

In Mexico, the first of November is the Day of the Dead. It is not a day of mourning but a day of celebration. I'm not so foolish as to think that their culture doesn't mourn the passing of their family and friends, but I think the idea of celebrating their lives is much healthier than the way Americans as a whole observe this type of passage.

Many Americans obsess about death. They fear death, but they seem to do the very things that will cause it to come quicker. They work excessive hours, fail to exercise, eat poorly, and get no enjoyment out of life. Some self destruct. Other people have a healthier, existential attitude. Death is part of the natural order and is an accepted stage that all must pass through. Some take confort in their religious beliefs. Others have beliefs that leave them in a state of fear.

What is certain is that when death occurs, others will pay their condolences in one way or another. As most peoples beliefs are not in line with mine, I find this uncomfortable at times. I brace myself for the next few days, as my father-in-law passed away today. I don't know whether he passed on his own terms or not. He definitely was hell bent on destroying his life, and it was not completely unexpected. So, when those who don't know the circumstances of the last years pay their respects, it will be hard to accept the words of prayer and praise.

Still the passage must be observed, and we must all be gracious and accepting as others pay their respects. Still, I wish it could be more like El Dio de los Muertos.

2001-02-17T20:56:00.000-05:00

What is Art?

President's weekend is a busy time in my tiny little hamlet (the South Florida Metropolitan Area). Two major events, the Miami Boat Show, and the Coconut Grove Arts Festival attract thousands of people. Ideal conditions for observations of persons unknown to me. But which to choose? I could go to the boat show, which attracts not only the historically overly monied class, but also the nouveu riche and the wannabes. I don't go to automobile dealerships to watch people kick the tires, and I couldn't picture this being much different. If you know anyone who owns or enjoys boating, this will also give you perspective.

So... off to the art show. My best friend, my spouse and I decided to make an early day of it. There are actually two shows that take place at the same time. The larger, better known show and a not so shabby show at a neighborhood church. We started with the church show, which also tends to have crafts. It is also mostly in the shade, not an unpleasant idea on a hot day with no cloud cover. It would be hot enough when we hit the main show out in the streets.

From the beginning, the people were interesting. Artists as a group tend to be eclectic. Too bad most of them hide in the back avoiding the general public. I can't blame them, really. There is a real lack of understanding in the world about the arts. Art is an experience for both the artist and the patron. The artist has a right to express themselves in their medium, and the patron has the right to determine for themselves what they feel about a particular piece. The patrons in this case, could stand a few lessons on how to go through this experience. First and formost, please remember that the artist will be close at hand. Stating out loud that "This Sucks!" is just plain rude. Should one encounter a canvas entirely painted in orange with five green dots on it, keep it to yourself that you believe your five year old could do better. If you must say something, find something of value in the work. "Nice use of color," "I like the scale," "Bold" are all examples of diplomatically avoiding rudeness in the face of the creator.

Not all art appeals to all persons. Some people may actually have good taste, but no understanding of what it takes to create art. When a work of art has a multi-thousand dollar price tag, chances are it is an original work. It likely took the artist a substantial amount of time and creativity to develop the work, and the original represents the "intellectual property rights" so to speak. Pricing may or may not be justfied, but understand that original work is infinitely more valuable than a seriograph, lithograph, or poster. If one doen't appriciate why an original might command the price it does, one should stick to posters. One should also not criticize the pricing in the presence of the artist, just as one should not criticize the work itself. My favorite vulgar comment was overheard at a watercolorists booth. Apparently the patron cringed at a $600 price. After all, there were pictures of boats just as nice at Target. If one really prefers the art at Target to the real deal, then one should shop at Target and keep that opinion to oneself.

Vulgarity is not the province of the patron. Artists may choose to ignore persons who might actually be interested in purchase, forgetting that on a hot tropical day, people may actually dress down a bit. Some don't make themselves available for questions unless someone specifically requests to purchase. Some get indignant when one asks about the price. They need to remember that price is an issue for the purchaser. Most people do not part with their money price unknown. One particular galling incident involved a person who had already made a purchase. The patron left, and the artist remarked that they couldn't believe that the person actually bought what they had been carrying. This all goes back to the issue of personal taste. What is art? What is art for an individual?

The last comments I'll make are regarding a conversation between my best friend and spouse. I refrained from comment, because people are entitiled to their opinions. One made the observation that some of what we saw today was easily replicated. Anyone could do it, given the time and materials. A discussion ensued about how much of art is talent and how much is time. Some mediums would be easier to copy than others. I let the conversation run its course. After fourteen years of art instruction (real art instruction, not art class in school) I know what is involved in many of these mediums, know what is genuine talent, know what takes weeks as opposed to hours. I don't profess to know about all mediums. I have no interest in or knowledge of glass sculpture to speak of. But I'll let them experience it for themselves, form their own opinions, and laugh inside when they convince themselves that they could easily replicate some of these items. I only wish I could see them try.

2001-02-14T22:55:00.000-05:00

A Love Story

True to my word, I saw Hannibal tonight with my other half. I won't spoil the movie by revealing any details, but I am disturbed. Not because of the movie, but because of the overreaction of the Media to the content. "Profoundly Disturbing" I read in a story. "Depraved" I saw in a review. I read numerous accounts of Hannibal, the superhuman psychological deviant. Some made the point that it was a love story, or more accurately, a love hate story. But the consistent thread in all I read was of the monstrosity of Hannibal Lechter's actions.

My favorite line in the movie was "I don't consider psychology to be a science. Neither did Dr. Lechter." I agree with him. So much of what passes for psychology today is mere psycho-babble. There are few true students of the mind, and millions of would be counselors looking for people's motivation. Forget about the armchair/ameteur psychologists. I personally tried to avoid taking a psych class in college, preferring to spend my private university tuition dollars on courses that would better serve me in the future. Unfortunately, a change of major brought with it a change of requirements, and I was forced into what was truly the saddest excuse for the collection of course fees I had to endure. Why is it that psychology attracts some of the weakest academics? I feel sorry for anyone who truly desires to study the mind, what with all the hacks they will have as peers (This is actually true of many fields, but it is pronounced in this one). It takes a strong mind to truly understand the mind itself. A weak mind can never understand the mechanations of the strong. I have one friend who is incredibly bright, and incredibly disturbed. Surprisingly enough, they have a psychologist parent. This is probably the sole reason for their mental quandry. Everything they do is put under a microscope, and apparently, the parent has branded their behavior with all sorts of labels and motivations. This person has been chosen "most likely to go postal" by their peers. I find them fascinating in an analytical way, but wish they would be open to a purer life experience. They could really start to live if they stopped dissecting their behavior on a constant basis.

Back to the movie...Hannibal (the character) was predictable and unispired for the most part. True to his intellect, he kills in an intellectual manner. There is no surprise to those who understand his motivation. Those who question how he is always able to get away must understand that he is smarter than most people. Sure, he has made a few mistakes, but he continues to prevail. His most inspired moment was of no particular challenge, when he quickly assessed the mental state of one of the characters and motivated him to do his bidding.

So I didn't find it disturbing. Do I think a real life Lechter should be in jail? Absolutely. Do I think that it is disturbing to see a story about a man who is like Lechter? No I don't. I may be the exception, but what is truly disturbing is the American desire to sanitize the life experience and to condemn that which is out of the mainstream.

Happy Valentine's Day.

2001-02-11T22:00:00.000-05:00

Back to the Grind

This will be short. I need to get my beauty sleep before I return to the office tomorrow. If this vacation runs true to form, I will have over 300 e-mails, of which 250 actually require my attention. It will take me over 4 hours to work my way through the e-mail, assuming that at least 5% represent an ignored crisis and 20% more represent a stall point due to my absence. E-Mail is great, but in abstentia, it can be lethal. Somedays, I am tempted to just archive it all and ignore anything from out of the past.

On the plus side, since I seem to have conquered that little insomnia problem, I should be well rested for the battles. I have a forboding sense of dread, unlike any other vacation I've come off of. Project Hades will certainly be the focus of my attention tomorrow, and there is still a personal issue hanging over my head which I had dealt with preliminarily (see the Company Pier entry) but not completely. Tomorrow is the litmus test as to whether my private issues remained private. If so, then I am reasonable sure all will be fine and life goes on as normal. If not, I will have to assess the knowledge that is out there and plan accordingly. I can let the fish swim free, or I can shoot it in the barrel. I don't like to show the Machivellian side of my nature, but if it is called for, it will be invoked.

Today was just a cathartic rambling, with no real direction. I look forward to increased human contact and more opportunities to report on the folly of others. I find talking about myself a bit tedious. I'm not nearly as funny as the general public. I'll report back when I actually have something more interesting say.

2001-02-09T17:29:00.000-05:00

Vacation

I almost made it through an entire week without any contact from work - just what one should expect in a traditional vacation. Fortunately, it was a work friend just asking how the week went. Had it been a work related call, I might have gone postal right there. After all, Friday is the last true day of the vacation. The next two days are just part of the weekend, which I have to share with the rest of the professional world.

It's been a fruitful week for me. I've read four books and should be able to polish off at least one more before I return to the grind. I finally finished the last touches in the post-flood restoration of my living room and am now ready to move on to the next room. And best of all, despite a thinly veiled threat from my boss (I know how to find you...even if you leave town, I can find you...) which had all the charm of a made for TV stalker movie, I have survived unscathed. All I can do is think about what will hit me on Monday!!

The best part of being out of circulation is that I see less of the deterioration of the human condition...although another viewing of Temptation Island did remind me that no idiot is too stupid to seek the worst kind of attention. The local TV listing describes the content of the show as simply "more temptations." How's that for a plot. As I have heard from others who dutifully check it out each week, one of the four couples has a kid. Isn't that lovely. Let's go engage in behavior that will scar this child for life. Three couple remain in the mix. Six people so stupid (but I guess not as stupid as the couple with the kid) to risk not just their relationships for 15 minutes of fame, but without the common sense to think about the consequences of their actions until confronted with the fact that they engaged in inappropriate behavior. They can't even flirt with infidelity intelligently. I wanted to yell at the TV "Hello - you ever hear of a VCR? Did you think you wouldn't get caught, that it wouldn't happen?" I almost rolled on the floor laughing when Billy asked for the camera to be turned off because it was his life and it didn't concern the show. Hello media whore - you signed that right away for your two week vacation without the old lady. On the plus side, he is the first who really seemed to realize that his inappropriate actions would have consequences. To give credit, (and so little is available to these couples) where credit is due, I think that Valerie (the doctor) realized this upfront. It seems every date she has picked has been on the basis of gentlemanly behavior. Still, I can't imagine that FOX wants to see people resist temptation. It makes for very boring television. Why else would we see Valerie's boyfriend Kaya(?) kissing some girl in every commercial and half the show. So much for the high road Valerie...just wait til FOX hits you with the damning evidence.

There is a fine line between genuine observation of the human condition and trash TV. With limited human contact this week, this is an adequate substitute. I swear I will return to real life observations in non contrived situations when I return to the real world. Until then, I ponder how it is possible to find eight people that have so little sense that they would jeapordize an active relationship by forced companionship with a group of people specially selected to entice them into inappropriate acts aided by free flowing alcohol. I believe that people engaged in this activity in regular society would be referred to as prostitutes, but FOX has avoided that label and refers to these groups by the less controversial title "singles" by not compensating them for their appearence on the show. Never mind the fact that there is a TV crew ready to document your immediate failure (or their success) to resist temptation. Now if I could only resist the show myself...

2001-02-08T16:21:00.000-05:00

Project Hades

In anticipation of "Project Hades" (my code name for a project I am assigned to that is in the early stages at this time, but will become a full plus time effort within weeks) I have taken a couple of days off and have had the occasion to make some interesting observations.

When you do things during what is know as "normal business hours" it takes half the time to drive there and there are no queues. Obviously, this is a generalization - some places, like the land of the mouse, will always suffer from queues - but it makes life much less stressful. I like being able to walk into the bank and right up to a teller to make a deposit or getting onto the golf course right after I pay the greens fees. Too many people try to do too many things in the two short days at the end of the week. Unfortunately, not many have the luxury of living a lifestyle during contrarian hours. I would if the type of jobs available didn't suck wind. The most relaxed I ever felt in my professional life was when I had a job with shifts and I worked the 11 to 7:30. You can get a hell of a lot done between 9 and 11 am! Of course, the job itself sucked and I soon moved on to greener pastures.

It does remind me a brief talk I had with one of the people in my organization's HR department. It was a Monday, one of those days where everyone keeps saying "Wish it was still Sunday" or "It was tough coming in today." I offered the customary "Hi, how are you" and got hit with "The weekends are just too short." Knowing that the person I was talking to had a wry sense of humor, I retorted with. "Could be worse. We could be living in the industrial revolutionary times. You would either be barefoot and pregnant, or working in a factory 18 hours a day seven days a week, either case, with a life expectancy of about 38, giving you about, oh, three more years to live." Most people would be silenced, but not this one. "Thanks, I know I can always count on you for perspective." I love an appriciative audience.

So, we're better off than we were 150 years ago, but how much better really? I think about things like this, knowing that Project Hades will soon rip what little life I have outside the office away from me. It's hard to psych oneself up for what is certain to be a bloody battle. Maybe the others aren't as cynical as me, and maybe they just don't have a clue, but I've aleready predicted the departure of two key members of the project group and am now afraid to make any wager public lest there be punitive action taken against me. I would wager that the next person to leave the group will depart within the next two months, of their own election and that the project will overrun the timetable by about six weeks. I only wish I could say these things at work, but I do like my job normally, and I do want to keep it, because once this is done, things can only get better. Project Hades will be the source of many observations in the near future, as this will become my life. I fully expect that I will walk into work Monday to find out that my offsite schedule will begin on Tuesday, giving me no notice to get my ducks in a row before a prolonged absence. Short notice has already become a hallmark of this project. Short tempers as well.

Until then, I will enjoy the contrarian lifestyle and make the most of my time in the world when the rest of the population works.

2001-02-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

St. Valentine's Massacre

Decades ago, the holidays were referred to as the "Red Letter Days," signified by the fact that the date would be printed in red instead of black. Of course, back then, the celebration would be true to the spirit of the holiday instead of another consumer driven experience to top all previous consumer experiences. Of course, this leads to my horror and mock disappointment at discovering greater examples of human folly.

Christmas and New Year's safely behind me, I had forgotten about the most comical day of all for a cynic - Valentine's Day. (What were you expecting? Groundhog Day?) I almost made it until a phone message reminded me. A friend was "sorta thinkin' about getting married and needed help with chosing a diamond for the girl." Nothing like a firm committment to a relationship to bring out the worst in a guy. Fortunately, the message was for my other half. I wouldn't have enough tact to keep my opinion on a Valentine's Day engagement to myself: Nothing makes an engagement (or marriage) more special than to have it on the same day as millions of other unoriginal losers. It says "We don't have our own special day, so lets jones in on a day that is commercially significant - one where I'll have to pay twice as much to wine and dine you before I pop the question."

I have no problem with the childhood card exchange, and actually feel that the kids cards and candy hearts are a sweet way to express that people are special. I still give these cards out. I have a big problem with the diamond cartels promoting an image that one had better buy a bracelet or necklace in order to secure one's love. A token of affection is just that - a token. No one should be beholden to a commercial imperative to spend money on another person. I know of women who expect the "full treatment" and begin dropping shameless hints in advance. I know men so desperate to do something right that they buy into these images without questioning who will really be served. It should be enough to recognize ones love without having to go into debt to do so. Some of the nicest Valentine's Day offerings are the simplest. The best Valentine's Day surprise I ever got was back in college. I got a Valentine from a guy I had just met briefly the previous month at a statewide event. He managed to track me down, knowing only what college I attended and what my major was, and using his cousin who was at my university to fill in the blanks. It was sweet and unexpected. It wasn't romance, just the thoughtfulness and resourcefullness that mattered.

So, should I be showered with gifts, or get only a card, I will be happy no matter what, for it is what my love choses to do for me that I am grateful for, not that I wouldn't be slightly more grateful for chocolate ; ) (Kidding!) And if he does nothing, that would be OK as well.

My plans for next Wednesday? I plan to see Hannibal. Theater should be empty which is romantic in its own way.

2001-02-02T11:17:00.000-05:00

Fishing from the Company Pier

In terms of professional conduct, this is a pet peeve of mine. I think it displays a complete lack of judgement and professional decorum. For those not familiar with the concept, other, more graphic euphanisims include "Don't s*** where you eat, or the blatantly direct "Don't f*** where you work." Usually, you have to resort to the latter description when discussing the topic with those who are predisposed to that type of conduct in the first place.

As a more senior employee, I've certainly put my two cents in on this topic a number of times. The topic comes up way too frequently, and I use the "They never should have fished from the company pier" catchphrase to diffuse gossip and discuss the issue in more objective, concrete terms. While I may appear prudish, my company has many tales of woe to illustrate why this is a bad idea. In my little workgroup alone, there are at least four people (out of ten) who at one time or another engaged in this practice. Of course, I can act all superior and preachy because I never have and never would. One of the guys actually cheated on his wife with a girl at work, got her pregnant, divorced his wife and married the girl. He brags that in his case, it worked out and he finally met the right woman. In three years, if that girl hasn't finished school, moved on to a better job and dumped his loser a**, I will be absolutely shocked. She's way too smart and he was way too dumb. He doesn't even realize that he's been trapped and bagged in this one. But, until that day, we allow him the delusion that he is the exception to the rule..
If he's lucky, it will be a relatively clean break. The ones that wind up married are the ones who fall hardest. Next are those where the relationship doesn't break on the best of terms. More than one guy has wound up with tires slashed by a woman scorned. Bad enough to happen at your house, but it makes both parties look like idiots when it cannot be kept out of the workplace. My rambling point is that there is a lifetime of histories on why it is a bad idea, and each relationship is a huge unknow that may or may not work out, may or may not end amicably, and may or may not damage your professional reputation beyond repair. Unless you like people gossiping about the intimate details of your life, and viewing you as an emotional person instead of a professional person, forget the hundred or so people on your floor at work and look to the other 3 billion people in the gender of your preference in the rest of the world (6 billion for the bi-sexual community!) It's not too late to commit to keeping your work and personal lives seperate. It's well worth the peace of mind.

That said, no matter how ideally you conduct yourself as a professional, s*** happens. I suppose it is possible that your soul mate will materialize in your place of business. If it is meant to be, here's a suggestion: One of you should move on to a different job. If that's not possible, at least try to find work in different departments. Above all, no one wants to see you suck face in the elevator.

And, as you all know, my rants are usually inspired by observations or events in my own life. I've maintained that no one should fish from the company pier. I've never done it, because my personal and private lives should be and have been seperate. As we all know, we cannot control everything that happens to us. I came up with the following analogy for a situation that has manifested itself in my work life. "I don't fish. I have a fish, I don't need to get more fish. I've had my fish for over a decade. Before I got this fish, I went fishing once at that pier way over there. I threw the fish I caught there back. Been fishing twice in this town. Now, I'm standing on the pier, and the fish I threw back over a decade ago is in the water below." So here I am. Odds against odds, in the major metropolitan area of over 2 million persons, hundreds of thousands of places of business, the only other person I ever dated in this town is now working where I am. The Chinese fire wall seperating personal and private has been breached, and I am working on the damage control. It's still a private issue, and if it is up to me, it remains a private issue, but know I suffer the unknown factor: Will it remain a private issue? No matter how little gets out, I work with a bunch of gossipy piranahs, and any information on the person who never talks about the personal issues would surely be front page news. So I brace myself for a situation over which I have little control, and reiterate "Why on earth would anyone voluntarily subject themselves to this?"

2001-01-28T12:02:00.000-05:00

Super Sunday

I could care less who wins this game. I am neither a fan of the Giants or the Ravens formerly know as the Browns, except that the Browns have been resurrected shortly after their departure, so who cares who the Ravens are, besides, didn't Baltimore used to have the Colts, who are now in Indianapolis, and why would Balitimore need the Ravens, when the Redskins are just a few miles down the road... At least the Giants are the Giants and have been the Giants, but wait! They call themselves the New York Giants, but they are really playing in New Jersey, and is Jimmy Hoffa really buried in the Meadowlands? At least I'm making this interesting for myself.

I need to do this every year about this time, for my team may never go to the big game. I am a Bucks fan, dating back to childhood. Relocation to South Florida did not change my allegiances, although it was so seductive - the Dolphins, after all, have been winners, and at the time they had a young quarterback destined to lead them to greatness: Dan Marino. Still, I could not be swayed, and I remain true to the Bucks. Football can truly be fun when years of losing condition you to root for smaller things, like good tackles and spectacular catches. These are the building blocks of the game, and are more meaningful than a count at the end. Isn't it more important how you play the game?

So here I am on Super Sunday. What am I rooting for? My team's stadium is hosting the event, so I hope that the local economy receives a great boost and that the tax revenues from the tourists continue to enable me to live in a state without income taxes. While I would *never* wager on sports, I hope that the friends of mine who decide to do so are not disappointed by the outcome, nor their inability to properly ascertain the odds of winning their improbable wagers.

Will I watch Survivor? Probably. Will I watch any other episdoes? Not necessarily. The first time was a novelty. Now it is a formulaic premise. The contestants are tainted. If you want to watch a true battle, watch the Eco-Challenge when it airs on Discovery Channel. Then you will appriciate what true effort is made to survive. After all, traveling hundreds of miles under your own power through varied terrains and climates is much more substantial than keeping ones hand on a post for four hours or competing in glorified relay races for a slice of pizza.

Ciao! Time to hit the road. One last unrealted thought. Live your life in an ideal manner, for as surely as you may slip or be tempted into less than ideal behavior, it will come back to haunt you, no matter how trivial the issue. This is why I Blog instead of vocalizing my observations. Find an outlet and keep your life ideal!

2001-01-23T21:14:00.000-05:00

Countdown Until 2004

The deed is done, and President Dumb-Ass has taken the oath of office. Pray for his good health, because the chain of succession is even worse than our current situation. I won't trivialize my life by getting involved in a daily countdown, but we are 46 months from choosing the 44th President of the United States, and 48 months from swearing him in.

Gotta feel good about the free world being run by a guy who doesn't like to get involved in the details, preferring a close advisory team. Scary part - of his choosing. Makes me miss George the original. Hope he's pulling the puppet strings a little bit. Imagine ol' George Bush, unceremoniusly dumped by the American People, a veteran, and experienced player in the public sector, a true statesman, watching as his son, his "pride and joy" (I'd be proud - wouldn't you) takes over the office he left just eight short years ago, a small fraction of his father leading the nation.

I have two problems with the way things are. 1) I'm not convinced that Duh-buya won the election in the first place, and 2) I cannot fathom how someone who is so unprepared snowed nearly half the voting public. If I was to run for president, you better be sure I would do a little homework and brush up on my key foreign allies and other important policy issues. Rest assured, I already know Social Security is a federal program, and my elementary school math taught me to understand why you cannot reduce taxes, increase spending and eliminate the deficit. A little economics, and I know that the market is a zero sum game, and investing Social Security in the market means there will be winners and losers. Some will lose everything. Of course, a few factoids and a dose of cynicism has taught me that Social Security wouldn't be around when I retire anyway, so I can only rely on myself and my resources. I'd like to believe that there will be a safety net for those who truly need it, but worry that it is about to be pulled away.

Believe it or not, this is not a partisan position. It is a common sense issue. If the tables were turned, and Duh-bya claimed he invented the Internet, (and yes, I know that was out of context, but the sound byte is pervasive in the collective conciousness of the American People) and Gore couldn't explain how to fund entitilement programs while cutting taxes, I would have voted the other way. I hope that both parties put forth better choices for us in 2004, because America has chosen the greater of two evils.

Special call-out to Floridians! You get your say now! Register to vote and send your special message to those who perpetuated the charade of the "Will of the People." Anyone convinced that our will was done, as opposed to the will of the Republican machine, needs to get their head examined!@#....

2001-01-15T22:06:00.000-05:00

Why Can't Life Be More Exciting

You know you are in a rut when you can't find anything to bemoan. I don't know if the problem is that I don't have time (probable) or that no one is doing anything stupid (naaaah, not possible). So I don't have time to stop and smell the daisies. When one is totally beat and can't turn to reality for a good laugh, we can always turn to reality TV.

My job has left me so fried that I have actually watched a little television in the past week. Voyager was a repeat on Wednesday, so off I went to Temptation Island to see if it would be as stupid as it promised to be in the commercials. What it was was excruciatingly dull. I really had no interest in getting to know the couples or the singles. In fact, when they ganged up to "vote off" the most tempting singles of each gender, I couldn't fathom why the two selected were chosen. The guy they voted off was a complete phony with a bad line, and the woman didn't exactly inspire the men when she walked by. They did better in the individual date bans. I wasn't paying the show too much attention, but the guys finally seemed to pick up on the fact that the girls like the idea of dating a masseur.
What did catch my attention was the early part of the show when they mentioned that they would be on the island for 12 days. If these people were truly committed, then they should have no problem keeping it in their pants for 12 days. What could they possibly be thinking in taking this "opportunity?" It looks more like "Breakup Excuse Island." Why would anyone in a solid relationship want to seperate from their significant other and date a bevy of bimbos or pretty boys? Was it the million dollar prize for being the least deceitful? No, it turns out they get NADA for ruining their relationship outside of a vacation. At least Darva Conger was getting some nice parting gifts along with her parting shots for wanting to Marry a Millionaire.

So, Temptation Island sucked. My phone rang while I watched it, and my significant other answered: "We're watching Temptation Island." I tried to hush him, as I didn't want this fact known. I died of embarrasment. Fortunately, it was for him.

After watching that drek, it made my choice on the weekend less noxious. "Cheating Spouses Caught on Tape" sounds a lot better than "Marital Investigators: Case Study of Effective Techniques." The perspective provided by the detectives and the psychologists elevated it slightly above Jerry Springer, but the cheesy voiceovers made it sound like a dime store mystrey novel in some parts. Unbeliveable what some people do. Stupid really is a stupid does.

So, I am on strike and refuse to watch another reality based show to escape my reality. At least until Survivor II....

2001-01-10T23:00:00.000-05:00

The Pills that Mother Gives You

Am I the only person who thinks that America is overmedicated? We see an increasing spread of disease in developed nations because we have suppressed our immunity by overdosing on antibiotics. We have children who have been medicated most of their lives. There is a quick fix or a pill for everything. I realize that there are true disorders, and a genuine need for some medicines, judiciously dispensed.

I hear about child after child on Ritalin. Parents bemoaning the fact that little Davy cannot pay attention in class. Call me crazy, but I remember Mommy telling me that she took little Johnny to the ten p.m. showing of the Emperors New Groove because he needed time to eat dinner after soccer practice. Especially important since Johnny missed breakfast and had to eat a Pop-Tart on the way to school. It seems to me little Johnny needs a childhood, not an activity coordinator. Get him on a regular meal schedule with real foods, a bedtime that guarantees him enough sleep, and reduce that afterschool "workload" so there is some non-structured playtime. Think about it. I know I feel better after a goodnight's sleep and a good breakfast. Life is sweeter when you can wake up without an alarm. If you worry that Johnny will miss out on some important activity or event, lets review a few facts of life. 1) If a child has an aptitude for academics, they will be able to go to college. Most children will go to decent schools, and the fact that it is the state school instead of an Ivy League will not preclude them from getting a decent job or advancing in their career. That will be a function of how they perform on the job. 2) An abundance of activities with no distinguished accomplishments does not say as much as a few activities with a high level of accomplishment. 3) You cannot properly develop a passion without time to let it grow. Most important is 4) College isn't for everyone. That said, if you are a maniacal future Ivy League parent with a sleep deprived, overscheduled brat then you have my apologies.

Whoa! What a tangent. From overmedicated people to reality based child rearing. And me with no experience other than my own childhood to draw from. I started this with another tangent in mind. Let me redirect...

Overnedication. Explain why there is now a medicine to make people more social. I just saw a commercial for a product yesterday that had some happy drug induced social activity taking place. The strange thing is that the drug in question is from a major pharmaceutical company. A drug for "social anxiety disorder." They used to call this "shyness." In most people, it wasn't anything that a couple of whiskey shooters couldn't take care of. I was a shy person once. I grew out of it. No drugs required.

Once again, there are exrtreme cases where medication may be an answer, but it seems that more of the medications that are coming to market are "quick fixes" for ailments that used to be cured by common sense. In the sixties, they had diet pills, just like today. Of course, teen girls were getting drugged up on speed. Save the medications for when they are really needed. Stop the cycle that is driving up the cost of health care in America and question why these medications are advertised commercially. The pharmeceutical companies are trying to drive up demand. They want Joe-Beer Gut to think that pill charming will make him Joe-SixPackAbs. They want him to demand this pill from his doctor. Doctors need to keep patients happy thanks to an HMO system that denies us the right to see a dermatologist when we have a skin disorder. They will do some due dilligence, and barring any extreme reason, they will most likely write the perscription. Others will find less orthodox ways of getting the advertised cure.

So let me know when the pill for long winded, opinionated, egoists is developed. Of course, our "disorder" will have some feel-good euphanism. "Observation fixation disoder" or some such nonsense. Then I know to check my food before eating.

2001-01-06T20:43:00.000-05:00

The Sports Fanatic

This will be quick, as I am just relating a narrow segment of the population's behavior in a specific situation. As the free world knows, NFL playoffs are underway. Each week, half of the teams playing are eliminated from future competition. Some people choose to view this as half the teams advance, but they would be the fortunate observers of winning teams.

My other half has a group he normally watches games with. I usually choose to join him on the basis of whether the team that he supports has a chance in hell of winning the game. Unlike most football fans, I grew where Tampa Bay was the closest franchise. When I was a kid, it was just great when the won. You watched the games just to see them execute a play or two well. Anything better was icing on the cake. I remain loyal to the Bucs, as loyal as a sometimes football fan can be. Today, I would watch the Dolphin game. With Dolphin fans. Where they didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning. Why did I do this? Because I primarily go to see my friends, not the game. It didn't take too long to remind me why I only go when they can win. There is no greater pessimist than a Dolphin fan. They're an optimist until the first bad thing happens, then it's a spiraling descent into self pity, armchair refereeing and couch coaching. Each mistake is a dissertation on why X would have been better at doing Y. By the time the game is hopelessly out of hand, they are all sulking, at least those brave enough to stomach the whole debacle. They don't shrug it off either. They prolong the misery by rehashing every tactical error on the part of everyone down to the waterboy.

No one should be so absorbed by sports that they get this depressed. It's just a game. Bummer, but just a game. Shake it off and go outside and play. You'll feel better.

2001-01-05T22:30:00.000-05:00

Grudge Match

I don't hold a grudge, although I reserve judgement until I try to post and publish this entry. I admit to being a bit frustrated a couple days ago. I had a bad enough experience to write a full dissertation, and then to lose my work. I'm over it, and was thrilled to see the picture of the new server. I'm happy that enough people cared to make this a reality, and am slightly embarrassed that I did not take the time to be one of them. Kudos to the better people than I.

I didn't intend for this to be about me, so I move on to the grittier side of grudge (not grunge) for today's real story. It's Friday night, my other half is working late and I'm wired on caffeine, so I talk one of my girlfriends into going out for happy hour. This was a real tough persuasion: I had to 1) pick a place near work so I could 2) drive her to a relative's house afterward so WE could 3) visit with her extended familia. I didn't consider this a sacrifice but she felt she was really inconveniencing me. Objections overcome, and constrained by location, I suggested that we call upon a specific location and visit with an old friend who was hopefully still working there. It had been over a year since we had visited, and while his shift had changed from lunch (easy to talk people into eating out) to evenings (much harder to get people to blow off their families for a happy hour), we hadn't tried to hard to stop by.

We used to go to lunch where he worked once every week or two. We had been introduced to the place by a third friend, and she obviously had a great rapport with this one bartender. The food was ok, but the company was good. Our friend had a falling out with the bartender and declared the place "banned." Since we all lunched together, this meant an end to our lunches with our friend. One day when our friend was out last year, we stopped by, but since then, we've been so busy, and we heard through another friend that he wasn't working lunch anymore.

Amazingly enough, over a year later, our friend is still holding a grudge and we can't even mention this guy to her. My girlfriend did so jokingly a couple months back and she almost got put on the s*** list. Since we had committed to going out, I suggested we stop by. After a double take when we walked in, it was like old times. We were chastisted, and rightly so, for allowing another person to prevent us from maintaining a friendship, for virtually abandoning someone whom we had no quarrel with. After a round of drinks and a round of apologies, we got to the root of the problem. Piecing together what each of us knew about the situation, it all boiled down to this: The woman holding the grudge had asked this guy to accompany her to an event which we would all be attending. He thought it would be a group outing and party type thing, which it was. She took it a step too far by getting overnight accomdations. Too much pressure for a casual acquaintance, so he did the gentlemanly thing and backed out gracefully a couple of days before. Knowing this detail and that she was known for some real fatal attraction types of breakups in the past, we figured the rejection was the motivation for the punative actions on her part.

Holding a grudge against a guy for over a year because he didn't want to be pressured into a relationship is just so wrong on so many levels. Fortunately, we are not our friend, and after having a good laugh over the situation, we promised to stop by again, and not let so much time pass between visits. Worse, we let this affect our behavior indirectly. While we had no grudge, we didn't fully understand the situation until now. There was no reason for her to expect that this guy would even be interested in the first place. The relationship, as we had observed, and he reconfirmed to us, was strictly a server/regular customer relationship, with no overt flirtation, just polite conversation. I am a firm believer in WYSIWYG, or what you see is what you get. I like to believe that all people are open minded and clear thinking. I'm disappointed in this friend not only because she poisoned a relationship for no valid reason, but that she wanted to drag us into her little vendetta. How can one apologize enough to someone so wronged?

So, the sound byte to close: Grudges are not worth the effort, nor the pain the inflict upon others. They are selfish and childish. And that is why what I felt on Wednesday is not a grudge. Everyone is entitled to express themselves when they are saddened, disappointed or hurt. Express yourself, heal yourself and move on. This is not to confuse a grudge with true anger and contempt. These are very strong emotions and should be doled out judiciously. Ted Bundy would certainly have merited utter contempt. A guy being truthful about his lack of romantic feelings should not. A wonderful service experiencing growing pains defnitely should not. This is my perspective, although it took two days to express it, I think I was on my way last time.

2001-01-03T23:45:00.000-05:00

Customer Disservice

Well, Blogger has driven me to a postal point. Today's entry was titled before I typed my essay, posted and published and lost everyting, but seems apropos given the anguish I am suffering. Now I am typing this in notepad so I can copy and paste it into Blogger. I hope the server fund collection goes well, because this bites the big one. This is what is known as growing pains. I'm willing to suffer a bit in anticipation of a better, faster, stronger Blogger, but will exercise my first amendment right to bitch and moan about it.

The thing I hate most about losing my data is that I lose something when I have to retype it from scratch. I can't recall the exact flow or feel of the piece, and it just isn't the same. I shouldn't have to create this in a seperate document and paste it, nor should I have to back it up before posting. So, instead of a rant on customer service, you get a pain induced rant on Blogger. Carpel tunnel symptoms prevent me from recreating the lengthy essay I penned earlier. A Blog entry has died today. Rest in Peace.

2001-01-01T20:26:00.000-05:00

One and Counting

Well, I didn't realize how late it was last night, so I stayed up and watched the ball drop on TV, which is just as well since my brother in-law called and told me to look out the window while he shot of some illegal fireworks from his house a couple of blocks away. Between the phone call and the cacophony of fireworks, noise-makers, music and gunplay, I wouldn't be falling asleep anytime soon. I don't recall how long it took, but I eventually nodded off.

My first day of the year was spent doing the same things I always do, but with shorter lines. There was no one at the grocery store, and no one at the restaurant I had breakfast at! Happy Hangovers! Hope the party was worth it!

2000-12-31T23:17:00.000-05:00

King Mango and the Odometer Rollover

I am not one for big blowout parties to celebrate the rollever of another year on the odometer of life. I've spent more than one year sleeping through the so called big event, mainly out of narcoleptic tendencies. For those who don't know what narcolepsy is, it does not involve dead bodies but rather the involuntary habit of falling asleep spontaneously. I've been like this as long as I could remember. As a child, I could put a phone book down on a hard floor and be out like a light. Another problem I have with this is that I cannot stand to be woken up. This made me a very cranky child when it came to relocating me from the phone book to a bed. You would think I was sleep deprived, but I assure you that there is no better person at getting the requisite sleep in their lives. Once asleep, I tend to stay asleep. I wake up naturally every morning, no alarm clock. I do not nap, which may explain why I tend to sleep soundly, but may also explain why I am prone to dropping off so quickly with no effort. My crowing sleep achievement came as a teen. I went on a school trip to Disney World, to perform in their parade. It poured on us, and because our school was close to the Magic Kingdom (2 hours away) we had no change of clothes available to us. So, on a school bus full of soaked, surly teens, I took off the top of my uniform (t-shirt underneath), wadded it up, and slept the whole trip back. I was the envy of the bus, as I was told once the two hour trip was over by both kids and chaperones alike.

So, sleeping through the New Year has been a frequent occurence. I am normally poorly equiped to force myself to stay up late without a training period, but the last two months, I have suffered from insomniac-like symptoms. I find myself not sleepy at night, unable to drop off. It's been getting better, but I do try to sleep when my body tells me to do so. I think that is the best way to put an end to the sleep deprived nights. It's been a bizarre couple of months, and I can't wait to return to normal. My life has been rather disrupted lately, due to the flooding I've mentioned in earlier posts. I may be awake for the turn over this year, but I'll see.

So why am I not out somewhere else trying to stay awake? A number of reasons, primarily the fact that I feel like total crap and have a splitting headache. I do not need to be at a party or bar with loud music, alcoholic beverages and beligerent drunks. If I actually knew of a sedate and mature evening plan (and didn't feel like a truck hit me) and didn't have to pay $75 per person to experience it, I might consider it. The other thing I ususally do for New Year's, which I have done in the years I haven't fallen asleep over the last decade, is go to the family gathering of my best girlfriend. She has a large extended latin familia, and the parties are always a blast - primarily because it is a familiy get-together and not a bar scene. This year's party is out of the country, so I missed out.

Without my regular standby, and a small desire to do something other than mope about the house today, I decided to venture out to the King Mango Strut. The best way to describe this event, which occured at the pleasant hour of 2 PM, is the counter culture parody of the Big Orange parade. Big Orange is, of course, the Orange Bowl parade, a traditional event complete with bands, floats, cheerleaders, ad nasuem. King Mango also has these things, but rather than pretentious themes such as "World Peace" we get to see political and cultural commentary. The Strut began with a man in a Gorilla costume running down the street, labeled as part of the local airport authority. He was followed by the gay scouts, complete with pink bandanas and rainbow sashes. Next was a white minivan and a troupe of entertainers re-enacting the INS raid that removed Elian Gonzalez from his home, complete with a man in drag portraying Janet Reno. This was not the only Elian themed entry in the parade. There was also a boat advertising three month tours complete with inner-tube and a young Elian impersonator, as well as Elian and Fidel Castro walking hand-in-hand. The most popular subject for the parade was the election. The marching chads (some dimpled, some hanging, some hung -don't ask, some swinging, some pregnant as well as other types of chads...) were hysterical, as were the Palm Beach Butterfly Ballot dancers, the Palm Beach Jew (singular) for Buchannan, the Ryder truck carrying the ballots to the state capital, with loose ballots flying off the back, the Butterfly Ballot Blues Band, the Sonny and Cher singers, with their hit song - "I got you Chad" and many others that I can't recall so clearly, including a number of protester groups. Ther was a New Orleans style funeral procession for a man who used to organize the past Struts, complete with a sign on the back of the casket stating that although he was gone, he made sure he voted. All in all, it was a lot of fun. Some of the local things were even funnier, but would have limited interest, such as the war on citrus canker, questionable local mayoral elections, a survivor group based on an incident where an elderly woman spent three days in a car that was hit and knocked off a bridge into a mangrove below, and the perception that Miami is a Banana Republic (complete with official Banana Republic flags!!!). I enjoyed it immensely - it's rare to see a grass roots running commentary on current events, espcially such a well executed one, and it was great to be surrounded by people who were not only up on current events, but found the proceedings as enjoyable as I did. It was probably too much for me because I felt ten times worse once I got home, but it was worth it. It was also as much a celebration as I need to usher in the New Year. I'm going to sleep now; hopefully the gunplay at midnight won't wake me up, or worse, hit me. Another stunning endorsement for not going out, the idiots in my locality celebrate the New Year by shooting guns up into the air. Needless to say, they don't understand the basis principle of physics: What goes up, must come down. Unfortunately, they don't shoot straight up, but usually at some unfortunate trajectory that will inevitibly render some unwitting victim into an invalid, or worse, a corpse. To be fair, not all people do this, but sadly enough, there are enough who do, failing to understand that this is a bad thing and they actually support this and encourage others to do this. Once again, if they would only shoot straight up....

2000-12-28T22:25:00.000-05:00

Downtime

Has it really been a week since I last posted? I had taken a little trip out of town for the holidays, deliberately leaving myself incommunacado. I have a little policy of not announcing things like that online out of a paranoid fear that some loser hacker might detemine who I am, where I live and break into my house. I realize that this isn't completely rational, as a loser hacker could also determine who I am, where I live, and when I go to work, then break into my house, but why tempt fate. My apologies to any loser hackers who are not predisposed to breaking and entering for recreation.

Last post was a bit of a lecture, a smug self serving superiority complex and I deserve to be thoroghly lambasted for it. Idle hands are the devil's work and sometimes it just drives me nuts! I have an e-mail address, so please tell me off if you haven't gotten over my ego.

Now back to current events. Needless to say, I'm not a big holiday shopper, nor is the rest of my family, so we tried something different this year. We met up in Orlando to pay homage to the cult of the mouse. Us and a couple hundred thousand of the pod people. While I find it disturbing that most park goers have decked themselves in head to toe mouse, or duck, or whatever the flavor of the month is, I have to say that as a shareholder, I love it. I won't even go into my opinion of the idiots (so much for no opinion) who immediately head to the stores so conveniently located in the entry street and purchase several pounds of keepsakes that they then lug about all day. Here's a hint: They'll keep it at the entry gate for you. Then you can buy more cult merchandise and make the shares of my stock go up further!!! Why constrain your spending by your physical limits?

And what is up with the obligatory exit path through the gift shops? It's not as prevalent in the Magic Kingdom, but the other mouse parks give you a 40 minute queue, a three minute experience, and what they hope will be a lengthy shopping experience to follow, in the theme of the recently departed ride. Once again, crass consumerism, pandering to impulse buying. I even heard cultists sounding a bit cynical about it, and I wouldn't have expected that from a man with the sorcerer mouse ears, mouse t-shirt, mouse socks, and a mouse jacket, leading his pooh attired children by the hand.

I didn't go to the Magic Kingdom this visit, as this tends to be a kid favorite, and hence a bad idea during a time frame where kids are not in school. MGM, Animal Kingdom, and Epcot are much more pleasant at this time of year. I've nothing against kids, just crowds. Speaking of kids, it seems like every kid at my hotel got a scooter for Christmas. Scooters in the restaurant, scooters in the halls, scooters in the elevators, and even a scooter in the bathroom. In a year, we'll see scooters at the flea market, scooters at the garage sale, scooters on the clearance rack, and scooters on e-bay. Until then, let's hope that the parents remembered the helmets. Fortunately, I did not see scooters in the parks.

Anyway, a few days at the "happiest place on earth" and I was ready for the real world again, or as real a world as one can experience during the productivity drain. I recommend that everyone take some downtime when you can get it. There are no prizes for martyrs, and there are too many places where if you don't use it (your vacation time) you lose it. Don't be one of those people. Fight for what is yours. Don't come in on your day off. If you don't have anything to do, do nothing. Part of good management is management of your life. Keep the work life balance in check. If you have nothing else going in your life, make something happen. Use the time off to do that.

I'm tan, rested and ready for the new year. Are you? (Ok, so I'm not tan. I used a SPF 50 sunscreen, a hat, long sleeves and pants to keep my pale geek complexion in check. But I am rested and ready)

2000-12-21T22:25:00.000-05:00

Holiday Productivity Factor and a Brief Comment on the Impending Recession

As we approach the last days before Christmas, more and more people are taking time off, resulting in an interesting paradigm. Productivity regresses from the mean to two distinct extremes: The superproductive and the totally useless. I am part of the former group, as you likely deducted from the descriptions above. However, I realize that it is the lack of contributions on the part of the totally useless that allows me to be hyperproductive. In a normal weekday, I would get between 60 and 100 e-mails that I would have to deal with usually at the time of receipt. With 20% of my coworkers out, which includes a large number of senior level employees, the amount of e-mail that requires effort is reduced as is the number of stupid election jokes, holiday jokes, and cc's in a CYA (Cover Your A** for those who don't work in the corporate world) environment. Fewer e-mails results in more desk time. I can be proactive and do the things I would like to do rather than reacting to the crisis at hand. I even had time to delegate out some substantial data clean-up (much to the chagrin of my holiday useless employees).

Most of the people working for me are hard working and self directed. They can pace themselves in a project, and use extra time for extensive quality assurance. I need not hover over them and can rely upon them to produce the desired results. However, I do have one problem child. Between the holidays and the impending arrival of a bundle of joy, they are distracted beyond distracted. I've tried to be subtle, pointing out when they need to stop chatting. I've tried to keep them busy with shorter assignments, and now I am facing the big talk when they return to work. I will not wait until performance review to say, "Sorry, but you are too unfocused to get a good evaluation." I'm hoping that once the season and the delivery are over, that they can be redirected. I know that people work differently, and this person also bears the challenge of living up to some extraordinary peers, but in a vacuum they just barely get by with the minimum effort required.

Tomorrow should be dead on arrival. My bet is that I'll have less than 25 e-mails. If it is as slow as I think, I will have plenty of time to map out a strategic plan for the next year, clear away the piles of paperwork I haven't filed in the last two months, achieve world peace, cure cancer and maybe, just maybe walk on water, but that would have to be at the end of the day, and only if it doesn't rain. On the other hand, it may wind up being a day where we go through the motions, do the bare minimum and talk trash for half the afternoon. Most likely, it will be somewhere in-between (in my case, leaning toward that world peace problem). I can't goof off for an extended period of time. I just can't do it. I may slow down the productive level, but I can always find something that could be done better.

Just one little bit of moralizing on productivity. It's not a bad skill to have. There is the distinct possibility of a recession. For those who only began working in the last 6 years or so, you are not likely familiar with this term outside of textbooks or sound bites on the news or net, but you will soon learn. We had a brief one in 1994 and a much longer one in 1991. It will be a very painful lesson for many people. We have no way of knowing how long this recession will last, but it will happen. Given the unprecendented period of economic growth, any period may be a hard cross to bear. Keeping this moral short, those who suffer most in a recession are those who are borderline productive, those who carry a large amount of debt, those who have no savings, and those who are oblivious to the concept. Productivity becomes very important, and companies will face a period where they will be asked to do more with less. Less usually means less staff, and in case one is totally clueless, it's not the lazy ones that get kept. Those who make the decisions will keep the ones they know will make them look good and are capable of doing the most work. Those who don't will be laid off or fired. Hence the problems for the credit card happy and the non-savers. Enjoy the lazy holiday period, but be aware that the time to start working hard was yesterday.

2000-12-19T22:00:00.000-05:00

AOL Bashing

There are millions of AOL bashers out there. They come in two varieties: Those who have experienced AOL and those who have not.

Let's talk about those who have not. What is the basis of your opinion? You're entitled to have one, but for anyone to value it, you need to put something behind it. So, did a friend have a bad AOL experience? Did a lot of friends have bad experiences? Did you read an article four years ago about a lack of modem lines?

Let's talkabout those who have used AOL. Did you use it for any length of time? Was the problem your error or the service? Was it something that they could control? Now, before people accuse me of being an AOL employee or something, let me clarify my position. I'm a dinosaur. I've been using AOL since before there was a 6.0 or even a 2.0. I used AOL when it was strictly a subscription service, before there was WEB access. (Yes Virgina, AOL didn't always have a browser!) I remember the happy day that I could finally surf without having to use my college account time. I remember the various upgrades. I remember my outright hatred of 4.0, the demon that nearly killed my computer. I remember the period of such rapid expansion I could never get through at night. I remember Friday night chats where I got punted over and over again. The reason that I have stayed with AOL all these years is that it changed with the times. I must also confess one more thing. I've almost always had something else on the side, in one capacity or another. I won't call AOL old reliable, but it is certainly adequate. I've changed my other services over and over again, but AOL has remained reliable enough to be a constant in my life.

So why go here? Because I am sick and tired of being judged and seeing others be judged for having an AOL e-mail address. AOL works for me, and I like the fact that with the same address for seven years people know how to reach me. AOL is not for everyone. It's not even for me all the time, but AOL is for some people. It is especially good for the entry level user, as well as the experienced net professionals. While bashing AOL is not racism by any means, it is the same type of behavior: the judgement of a group strictly by their affiliation.

I don't think that there is a need for an AOL bash free day event, but let's try to get along, and remember that while that AOL user you mock may be a new internet user, they could also be a true net jockey. What better cover for an experienced hacker than as iluvbritspearsoopsididitagain@aol.com? My apologies (and my pity) if that is your actual AOL screen name, and I didn't mean to call you a hacker. No mail bombs please!

2000-12-17T22:31:00.000-05:00

Helpful Hints for Holiday Events

This is in list format due to my frustration at the connection I am experiencing tonight. The following hints from your host were inspired by my attendance at my company's holiday party. Sadly enough, there is no fiction here. Please bear in mind that at a large event, there will always be a large amount of boorish behavior.

Fashion Tips

Gentlemen: Black leather pants can be a "Yes." Black leather pants with a giant belt buckle a "maybe" if trying to achieve some sort of retro look. Black leather pants with a giant belt buckle, navy blazer and any type of tie or ascot are a screaming "NO!"
Ladies: Unless one plans a career in paid sexual gratification, dressing like a street walker is not recommended.
Gentlemen: Semi-Formal does not mean athletic jackets (the type that letters are sewn to in high school)
Ladies: Be aware of your body type. Laced up backs are questionable for a corporate function, but are definitely a "NO" unless one has a minimal amount of body fat. Ditto for strapless, sleeveless, and very short.
Gentlemen: Short sleeves and a tie is a look best left to junior high catholic school boys.
Ladies: If you take the time and expense to shop for a special occasion dress, please remember that hosiery is part of the finished look.
All People: Cigarettes are not a fashion accessory. The smell of them on your special occasion wear is an absolute DON'T.

Behavior Tips

Drink in moderation. Know your limits. Have a good time, but not a great time, and certainly not a time you can't remember.
Your sexual preference is your business. Don't advertise anything by your dress or behavior. No one wants to listen to anyone, gay or straight, prattle on about their sex lives, or worse, add a conquest to their history at this type of event. Some men may dispute this point in the event of Lesbianism, but this still isn't the place for it, and if you really expect a beautiful lesbian to share the most intimate details of her life at this party, it's time to stop ordering drinks.
The corollary theory is that if your sexual preference is known and it is not the "standard" preference, don't bring a member of the opposite sex to pose as your partner. No one is going to believe it except maybe the elderly women in the secretarial pool, and it's doubtful you'd fool them either.
If you have been lying to your spouse about your work activities or travel schedule, don't expect anyone to cover for you, and don't even suggest that you play along. You made your bed, you lie in it.
If you have been lying to your boss about your work activities, don't talk to them after drinking. Also don't mention this to any co-workers who in turn could tell their boss. They will be in enhanced honesty mode as well.
If you have been drinking, be aware that the honesty factor gets stepped up. Choose your conversations carefully. Referring to a co-worker as "a genius who saved our a**" is a much safer conversation than referring to another co-worker as "the idiot who f***ed up the last event."
If your marriage is on shaky ground, and your new boy toy is a co-worker, don't bring your spouse with you AND sit at the same table as your latest distraction.
If someone tells you that they don't dance, don't force the issue. Especially if the band plays the Electric Slide. Some people have dignity.
Don't dance the Electric Slide in the first place. Ditto the Macarena. Even if you haven't been drinking, people will question your judgement.
If someone has a date that is especially obnoxious, don't complain to that person. They are certain to know what a jerk the person is anyway. However, don't be shy about telling the jerk off. Especially if they tell you they have a hotel room and no one would notice if you stepped out for 10 minutes. Just don't make a scene.
Don't break up with your partner at the event. It should be done after, or even better, before the event.
If you came with a date, don't try to pick up someone else when your date is in the bathroom.
This is also not the time to spring that unrequited crush on someone.
Lastly, personal business on personal time. This should cover any other situations not addressed above.

Dining Tips

Err on the side of caution. If you plan on drinking, plan on eating. Puking up pure alcohol is not a pretty site for your co-workers to see.

It is better to make two trips than to overpile the plate. No one wants to wear that extra slice of roast beef you failed to balance properly.

Avoid sauces if wearing white.

Use caution with sauces if your neighbor is wearing white.

Don't tell us about your diet while you pile up a desert plate.

No Double Dipping!

Chew with mouth closed.

If you don't like the food, stating so should cover it. Don't go into a dissertation.

Don't tell us about your gastro-intestinal problems and which foods we just ate cause them.

Boot Licking

Be certain to seek out your boss and have a brief conversation with them. Don't seek them out to act as a cover story for deserting your wife at the cheese table.
Don't overstay your welcome with your boss. There are a lot of lickers and just one pair of boots.
Disregard the two items above if you and your boss are personal friends. If you are closer than personal friends, don't act like it. You'll cause the other boot lickers to turn into rumor mongers.
Don't engage in unusual behavior to impress your boss.
Don't allow a drunk boss to talk with you too much. Nothing good can come of it. Remember the honesty factor.
Bosses, don't drink too much. You lead by example, whether you like it or not. Better not make that example a booty dance or a potential sexual harrassment lawsuit.
If you observe an inappropriate but harmless behavior on the part of your boss, the best thing to do is remember it, but say nothing - yet. It will be much funnier at the water cooler on Monday.
If you observe an inappropriate and harmful behavior, let them know they are crossing a line.
Don't start with artificial compliments. A little boot licking is fine, and in some cases expected. Extreme suck ups are just laughed at.

2000-12-16T10:50:00.000-05:00

"If You Don't Have Anything to Say..."

I must apologize for not posting, but I've always believed that when one has nothing to say, that one should say nothing. I had been essentially removed from the world at large as I was attending my home as it was undergoing repair. For three days, I've been a space sitter, staying out of the way of the professionals unless summoned to answer some pertinent question. I believe that the extent of contact with these men, translated to English, were:
"Would you like a radio to play?"
"This is how you change the stations."
"Yes, we have water and juice."
"How long before everything is set?"
"Eight AM is fine. See you tomorrow."
"Thank You."
I live in a community where there are easily observed social distinctions in the types of labour one does. It's not a discriminatory situation, but rather arises out the skill sets, both verbal and professional, of the individual. The greatest determining factor is the large population of immigrants. They are highly industrious and my experience has been that without exception, they do good work. I only wish I could communicate better. I have conversational skills, but they are a factor of those with whom one converses. I am skilled at ordering food, shopping, and gossiping, because these are the opportunities I get to use my second language. My husband is much better - he listens to talk radio in the language and uses his skills at work. Language skill is definitely influence by the ability to use it on a regular basis. Having grown up in a very different area (rural deep south) I can imagine a reunion with my high school classmates and foreign language instructor. I think my teacher would be shocked and pleased that I have grown my vocabulary and can now converse freely, even if what I say makes me sound like a ten year old. My classmates would be challanged to remember how to great a person, let alone converse readily. Of course, they were challenged in the class to begin with. It's all a matter of practice.

Anyway, I digressed, and the work is now done, completed at approximately 10 AM. I am now free to return to the world of the living, buy some groceries, and prepare for the People Watching Olympics: The Corporate Christmas Party. It doesn't get better than this! It's probably just as well that I've been deprived of significant human contact for three days. The better to observe the worst in human behavior. A word of advise for others planning similar outings. When you observe a particularly obnoxious behavior, imagine taking that person and dropping them into the wild west circa 1870. It does a heart good to imagine them trying to survive, dressed in a shiny suit or cocktail dress, without a gun or marketable skill to offer.

Until Tomorrow...

PS: As a follow up to the PS2 post, the last person searching went to the store and found that they were sold out, but decided to try another location and succeeded in obtaining the coveted PS2. On a happier note, the person with the defective model has not replaced his, and did not succumb to peer pressure to buy a second one.

2000-12-12T20:07:00.000-05:00

The Power of "Must Have Toys" or My Absolute Last Rant on the subject of PS2

Lemmings. Follow the crowd and jump to your death. This type of crowd behavior is also present in the Christmas consumer. What is it about this time of year that brings out the best and worst of people?

Maybe you will recognize some of these items: Cabbage Patch Kids. Tickle Me Elmo. Play Station Two. The thing they have in common? "Must Have" status at the holidays. What makes PS2 different from the other two? The sticker price. The feeding frenzy has moved beyond a toy for the children to a toy for the adults. These machines are nowhere to be found. Radio stations announce store arrivals too late for anyone to respond. People stop in dozens of stores on the way home from work with hopes of finding the elusive toy. People talk about how they must have one. And now, for my little world or work...

The joke for our gift exchange was that whomever got certain people had better know they want a PS2. Laughable on a $10 limit, but it hints at something more disturbing. One person even had a PS2 theory - that the only ones among us who even had a hope of finding one would be those that weren't interested in having one. I was part of that target group. I was begged to "be on the lookout for" the said toy. "Sure" I said, knowing full well that I wasn't spending my free time in stores, let alone looking for something for someone else to buy. We had all settled into a joking mode regarding the PS2. Out of ten people, two people camped out the first day. Their sets were the envy of some. Others were like me, joking with them about it, but expressing no interest.

Today, the s*** hit the proverbial fan. One of the people listed in the PS2 theory saw a unit for sale at lunch. He saw the clerk bring it out for someone else and asked if they had another in the back. They did. In fact, they had more than one, but would only sell one per person, and only if they asked. They were not putting them out on the floor. This person, who had NO interest in owning one, decided to purchase one on the spot. He also called the office to announce his find. The office was abuzz. Largely in part to the boss being out. The person with the greatest PS2 obsession spoke with a hint of envy in his voice. After all that talk, he said he really couldn't afford it. With a baby on the way, and Christmas season approaching, things were tight. I suggested that the PS2 box could be used as a crib and then he could afford it. It looked like saner heads would prevail...at least until the blue box entered the office. Then all hell broke loose. The guy with a baby on the way immediately left in search of his dream. The rest of us gathered to see the goods. Not ten minutes later, two more left for the store in question. All returned successful. Another decided to go after work. No word as to whether she also got the goods. So now at work we have a 70% PS2 saturation rate. I don't even think employees of Sony have such impressive numbers. If the last girl was successful, then they spent nearly $2000 among themselves today on PS2 and accessories. Considering that three of these people never even indicated that they were interested in owning one of these things, you gotta hand it to Sony Corp.

Now, if these numbers don't sicken you, let's add one last thing. One more person almost walked out to get one. They already had one. It had a defect and was to be returned under warranty. Unfortunately, with the supply and demand situation, we knew the following conversation would never take place. "Why certainly Mr. X. We'll exchange this for you. I happen to have one right here!" Unable to wait until February, this person almost bought another one!!! Almost, but didn't. Even said "I don't care about the money." At that point, I thought it was all over. Hopefully they'll be out in case he changes his mind.

And hopefully that will be the last you and I hear on the subject of PS2. 70%* of people are willing to sell their soul for the latest playtoy. What a discouraging statistic.

(*plus or minus 20% for statistical error)

2000-12-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Today I got to see such a wide range of human behavior in a very small control group. As I always hope to see the best in people, I'll start with the worst and progress toward the more civilized.

The Ugly was rather insidious. People aren't hired because they are good at heart, but because they can supposedly do their job. This often means I am subjected to conversation at work that isn't always to my liking. I have what can best be described as an unusual value set. Utopian for me would be downright primitive for some of the more materialistic people I have working with me. There is another person whose values are somewhat similar to mine, and we often find ourselves listening to some of the most god awful drivel. Today's late afternoon chat was especially obnoxious. I am of the opinion that discussions about ones sexuality are not workplace appropriate, and that one can certainly find enough other topics to discuss. I don't know which is worse: Speculation about a person's unknown sexual preference for the sole purpose of disparaging it, or the crude comments made about ones preferences, if known and they are not the same as the speakers. After hearing two people run down a list of people with what they presumed to be questionable preferences and saying quite rude things about each, they proceeded to rip apart one person who was recently outed inadvertently. The worst part was that some of the people that they ripped into were falsely labeled. For people who claim that they are open-minded, they certainly act homophobic. I just don't know what to say, other than what I always say: Is this really an appropriate topic of conversation. I also know that tomorrow, to the faces of the disparaged, that they will be all smiles and grins.

The Bad falls into the same group. In any work situation, not everyone has the same skills, even if hired for the same position. This in turn means that not everyone will accomplish the same things. Some people take pride in doing their jobs and go the extra mile. Others complain about the minimal amount they are asked to do, and never show initiative. They have no idea how noticeable this is, and don't realize that they are bringing their career path to a dead end. These people often become the department gossips. Today, one of this species was talking about someone who several months ago left us, and took another job which he subsequently quit after a week. He explained the problem as the person wasn't getting the respect he deserved. When he left us, the problem was the workload was too hard. He claimed he was doing all the work, yet he never showed up, and didn't understand his assignments when they were made in the first place. In the view of the person telling the story, this guy was just down on his luck in his struggle against "the man." I gotta love the person who told him: "So, this guy quits his job, which he rarely showed up for, with no other work lined up, sponges off his girfriend for nine months while he 'destresses,' finally finds a job paying close to what he was making, and quits after a week? Too many incidents like that and maybe someone will realize the problem is the employee, not the jobs." Of course, this comes from someone who actually does their job, not just a job rumor monger like the less inspired co-worker.

The Good was a brief, heartfelt moment. During the holiday season, so many people take time off that it is hard to coordinate activities. For this reason, we planned to celebrate someone's December birthday early. The party and gifts were coordinated and we lured them to a conference room under the pretense of having a meeting. The genuine look of surprise, and a poorly concealed tear of joy said a thank you so warming and sincere it would melt your heart, and I'm not a warm fuzzy kind of gal.

It takes all kinds to make a world. Some are better than others, but we all must co-exist until we have the means to dictate our own terms. I don't want people to be perfect, but I hope they will be better than horrid.

2000-12-10T16:40:00.000-05:00

Holiday Ramblings

Yesterday, I made my annual pilgrimage to Hell. As someone who absolutely despises shopping, you can imagine how I feel about the holiday season. Yet, despite my personal beliefs, I am obligated to do a bit of gift giving, which does require me to step foot into retail establishments. Each year, I choose one day to suffer through the process, and my girlfriend and I head off to the mega mall in the next county. We choose this location because we are ususally able to fill out most of our lists in one trip. This year, we didn't plan ahead and would up making the trip well into holiday season. Because of that, we resolved to get an early start.

I've know this friend for 12 years. I know she is incapable of an early start. I love her dearly, but some things will never change. Her promise to arrive by 9 am was accepted by me, knowing that it would be 10 at the earliest. Imagine my surprise when she called at 9 to say she was on her way. She wound up only half and hour late, surprising me for the second time in a month. The other time was when she gave up smoking about a month and a half ago. She quit cold turkey and hasn't touched another one since. I only wish she could see how much better her skin and hair look. I hope she keeps it up.

Anyway, I was off on a tangent. I can't help but to appriciate anyone who gives up the cancer sticks. If only more people would do so. We stopped at a gas station on the way to fill up, get a "colada" which is a highly concentrated cuban style coffee, and a car wash. The colada is a quick pick me up for when you feel grogy. We had our shots of caffeine while going through the car wash, and got to the mall around 10:30. Even though it was half and hour into the day, I could already see people laden down with numerous purchases. The first few stores we went into were manageable. By the time we had walked half the length of the mall, we were packed in like sardines. In one store, I got a dirty look from someone who complained loudly that I was wasting space in line with my single item purchase. Now this was a novel new arguement for me. I had never heard such a baseless statement. I looked back at this idiot behind me in line. I would have written a check just to stretch out their wait, but I was traveling light and left the checkbook at home.

Even my girlfriend, whose purchases outnumbered mine two to one expressed concern that I might be forgetting people on my list. I assured her I had not, and ennumerated the one person remaining on my list. She shrugged off my explanation and wished me luck in finding the one last item. While she may not understand my methods, at least she respects them!

With the worst of the season over, I am now ready for the last part. The receipt of a number of uneccesary goods purchased out of obligation. Try to ask someone to donate to a charity in your name. You'll get blank stares and eventually, another useless gift. Cherish those who take the time to choose a gift that is perfect for you. They are few and far between. Politely thank those who miss the mark, and hope that someday, the holiday reverts back to truer meanings.

2000-12-08T23:38:00.000-05:00

The Theater

I just came from the theater. A friend who is a season subscriber had an available ticket. It was a much needed escape from the reality of the holiday season. I drove to the locality where the theater was located and waited for my friend to arrive on a bench in a very trend part of town. While waiting, a drunken homeless woman sat by me a couple feet away. She was loud and had quite a few things to say. She wasn't talking to me, but I laughed at the more amusing comments. She yelled at the waiters in the nearby bistro to set the tables correctly. Here she was in one of the toniest sections of town and she found humor in her situation and the careless work of another. The stentch of alcohol was strong, and she moved on, toward the "voices" she was conversing with. I was glad she moved on. She didn't make me uncomfortable - I've seen plenty of homeless. She didn't harrass me, she didn't smell horrible (just alcoholic), but she didn't seem like she wanted to be there. I don't know what she was seeking, stumbling amongst the priciest bistros in America, but her journey was not over.

My friend arrived soon after the departure of the homeless woman and we went for dinner. The restaurant was delightful, but the sevice slow. We just made the show. In an attempt to remain anonymous, I won't identify the show, but I will divulge that it was definitely a show with mass appeal. There were an inordinate number of children in attendance, and most were absolute angels. Not a single cell phone went off, there was essentially no talking during the show, and it was performed flawlessly. The lead female, a celebrity, had a slight lisp and the opening number had way too many words ending in "S." The later numbers it was less obvious. She was engaging and the quality of her voice was astonding. I never would have known. If only the patrons at this theater were the same who attended the movie theater in my neighborhood, I might still go out to the movies instead of staying in. I had such a wonderful time that I forgot so many of the issues troubling me. Isn't that what escape is all about! Happy endings and good times.

Tomorrow, I hope to come down from the idealized world and back into reality, but tonight is for dreams.

2000-12-07T23:10:00.000-05:00

Fall Out

For those who are wondering, no, I didn't wake up in a world where women can manage their own money and do hard work without criticism. The day after the 2000 lb. tile relay race, I was very sore. Now, I'm in decent shape, but I just had to use muscles that don't get worked in the gym. Men who hear my story laughed at me and some asked where my husband was. The women couldn't even fathom that I did this. They would have left everything out in the rain for their spouse to move. So the stereotypes continue to prevail.

Don't even get me started on the check issue. My husband was able to deposit the check without my name on his account. Ideally this is because he banks at a more enlightened institution. This did not stop some people from making the observation that this was the way things should be. I don't understand how women hold this attitude. I am insulted to think that there are women who think a double standard is ok. Many of them probably leave finances to their men. They don't realize that if he is to pass away, or worse, divorce them for the trophy bimbo they spent the retirement fund on, they will be lost. I can't emphasize enough that the only person that one can and should rely on is oneself. Unless of course one is a child, and I would hope that ones parents are teaching one to be self-reliant.

So, I put myself out on a limb and suggested that we are each the master of our own destiny. Let me go out a bit further and make a few observations about how the common man is handling their financial responsibility. I cannot be the only one who sees the credit card generation living beyond their means. In my view, the root of the problem is that there is a whole generation that cannot distinguish between a need and a want. Take this example, of two statements made by one person yesterday. "I need a Playstation 2" came from the same mouth that said "I want to lose a few pounds." I bit my tounge to keep myself from pointing out that if one sits in front of the tube playing video games, it is no wonder one gets a little soft in the middle. Skip the PS2 and take a walk.

So what is living within ones means. To me, it is having some money left over after each paycheck to put away. For those unfamiliar with the concept, this is called "savings." Now here are two statements from my mouth. I need to save money because I want to enjoy my life during my better years. I do not want to be a slave to my house, my car, or my lifestyle. I do not want to own clothes so faddish they go out of style a month after they are purchased. Pity the entry level employees driving the leased Lexuses (Lexi?) not me and my seven year old Japanese compact. Feel the pain of the couple with two kids and a mortgage (or two) larger than either one of the two salaries used to pay it. Never mind that their light bill and taxes will be exponentially higher.

A final observation. A number of corporations are doing their part to make saving for the future easier for people. Some also provide some education. I am fortunate to work for a good company. We had a session in which they had people calculate how much they would need in retirement, and then how long it would take to get there. It was an eye opener for a lot of people. It was for me as well, but I'm happy to say I was pleasantly surprised. I would say 95% of the room had a different reaction. The means to change that future are in each of our hands. It starts with goals, and knowing the difference between a true need and a want.

2000-12-04T20:44:00.000-05:00

Back to the Dark Ages

I had to take a day off from work as I was expecting a large delivery. My house had flooded earlier in the year and now I was to take delivery of the most anxiously awaited item: My new tile floor supplies. Installation will be next week! Happily, the insurace check arrived over the weekend, and my tasks today were to clear floorspace for the tile and deposit the check in the bank. I had my husband endorse the check before leaving for work, and I soon went to the bank. Now for those who are easily offended by neanderthal mentalities, especially in women, be forwarned...

After waiting over ten minutes in a line (on a Monday morning of all times!) handed the teller my check and deposit slip. She told me she could not cash it. I pointed out that I was depositing the check, not cashing it. She told me that she cannot deposit a check with two signatures. I pointed out that it was endorsed by the other party. She told me that my husband should be on my bank account so I can deposit the check. At this point I was raging mad. I pointed out that it was my right to have my own accounts and wanted to know what my options were to deposit this check that did not involve adding my husband to my account. She said that the only option was for my husband to be on the account. Obviously, this pod person was not going to be able to satisfy me.

While the manager was not nearly as offensive, I am still unsatisfied. My options were to get his bank to cash the check, have him open an account at my bank, or add him to the account. Apparently, they'll approve for me to cash a check if they get his business. Since they tried to pass the issue off as a verification issue, I asked if I might bring him and two photo IDs to prove that he is who he is and consents to the deposit. No go. As none of these alternatives were acceptable, I left stating that they obviously do not want my business. I am send a letter via snail mail to rant on this one. I reamed them out, especially regarding the lack of awareness of women's financial issues. What offended me most was that both the teller and the manager were women, and they saw nothing wrong with their suggestions. I pointed out that my money has no business in an institution that doesn't want it, and would dain to suggest that a woman subvert her financial rights. I pointed out that there are legal issues regarding who has access to an account, and that to casually suggest that I expose myself to this additional liability for the sole purpose of depositing a check was negligent. I have never been so mad that I gave myself a headache, but when I got home, I couldn't think straight from the pain. I guess I'll be shopping for a bank in the coming week as I wait for my outstanding checks to clear.

Then, in case my feminist sensibilities weren't alreadly ruffled, the delivery arrived. Unfortunately, everything was wrapped up on a full pallet. The forklift could only get the tile as far as the front lawn. As the items were lowered, it started to drizzle. The delivery guys offered a mildly offensive suggestion: That my husband could help move the stuff inside when he gets home. I pointed out that the rain necessitated more immediate action and I would be the one to execute the task. Their comments were generally supportive, and slightly concerned given the impending rain storm. I was able to offload the thin set and grout before they even got the forklift back on the truck, so I think they knew I'd be alright. It took me about 20 minutes to move 2000 lbs of materials into my spare room. My arms hurt, but I certainly validated that one does not need a man around for all things. Just as well, since my husband won't likely be home anytime soon.

Hopefully, I will wake up tomorrow in a world where women can manage their own money and do hard work without criticism. I had enough of the dark ages for today.

2000-12-03T11:51:00.000-05:00

Smoke Out

I realize that people have a different persona between work and play, but it gets interesting when the worlds collide. In an informal holiday season gathering, a little alcohol may be served, and things start to get interesting for the People Watcher. Probably a bad decision to indulge a little on my part - I may have missed something, but I know I divulged nothing I didn't want to.

While the earlier hours were spent in liquoring up and eating the appetizers, we got to know the other half of some couples, talked about work a bit, talked about food a lot as well as the upcoming holiday season. Once people had their fill of food and drink, the interesting dynamics began to emerge. I would have preferred playing with the cat to most of the conversations, but then the amateur people watchers would have some gross generalization to label on me. When one of the guys brought out the newest high tech toy, the men quickly congregated in that room. The women wound up talking about dating horror stories. I shared, but was compeled to move about. After all, how many "You won't believe what this one guy did" stories can you stomach in a night. On the plus side, most were true horror stories, not the typical guy bashing fare. We've dated some interesting creeps as a group. What's disappointing is the number of women admitting how long it took to get free of the problems.
On the gaming scene, the men were taking turns playing and watching the latest releases on the PS2. I have to admit here and now that I did have a problem with video gaming. After all, I like playing games, and not just of the mind. Many years ago, before become a professional, I would stay up late with the old games, often crawling into work on 4 or 5 hours of sleep at best. I gave up gaming once deciding that I wanted a professional life. What I don't like are spectator sports. I wouldn't have minded a try, but too many men were fighting for world domination of the virtual gridiron.
So, the People Watcher is stuck. No desire to listen to girly talk, and no desire to play virtual football. For social interaction, this left me with a dread alternative: Sitting outside in the cold with the smokers. I don't understand smokers. I know the stuff is manufactured to be addictive, but why start in the first place? It's not like the risks are unknown to new smokers. It isn't a case of smoke one and you are hooked for life. I pity life smokers like my 81 year old great aunt who just passed away from lung cancer. Back then, there was no information to set them straight. How can otherwise intelligent people choose this as their likely path to death. There is a song with the lyric: Life is the slowest form of suicide. If so, why choose an accellerated path? I do know that there is no means for me to change them. They must change themselves. I limit myself to advising them that I am militantly opposed to smoking and will advise them when their smoking bothers me. Then, I leave them alone, unless they start blowing in my direction.

One thing I resent about smoking is that there are rewards to be gained from engaging in this disgusting habit. Smokers, by virtue of a shared experience and an informal social activity, gain access to a whole world of professional advatages at work, not the least of which is not getting criticised from taking a number of breaks. If I ever took that many breaks, they'd be all over my case. Smokers hear things and share things that should be shared with everyone. Us non-smokers often jest about taking up smoking as a career advancing move.

But, smokers are not just addicts, and this gave me escape from two alternatives I can live without. So I went outside to the patio and got to engage in conversation about more challenging issues. I only caught one whiff of smoke and they were quick to apologize, knowing my views. Too bad the smoking world at work is not so accessible or polite.

2000-12-01T19:53:00.000-05:00

Decorating the Tree

Today, an unloved little plastic tree was donated to my workgroup by another department blessed with a large professionally decorated one. The one who claimed the tree, best described as a Charlie Brown special, promptly set it up. Another person, unable to stand the bareness, drew a circle on a post-it and attached it to the tree with a paper clip. I couldn't bear to see it so naked, so I bought a small strand of lights when I went to lunch. That was the catalyst to make it more festive. Once the lights were strung, everyone chipped in various chatchkas and other decorative items from their desk. It is not quite traditional, but it truly reflects the dynamic of our group. From the top ornament, a Bullwinkle statue, the Mardi Gras beads, the collection of stress toys, the paper oragami folded for the tree, the lone legitimate Christmas ornament, the mouse pads, the plastic brain, down to the sombrero at the foot of the tree and the remaining items not listed here, it is a reflection of us. A true holiday moment in a crass and commercial season. It's nice to work in a group with the spirit to improvise.

2000-11-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

A Day of Rest

Boy do I need one! I've had to cancel my vacation next week due to an overload of work, resulting, of course, from jury duty, although I am still not free from the justice system. I've been happy to be back among my peers at work. I wouldn't call them normal, but it's nice to be among the familiar. It's been one crisis after another and the work day blurs by. I haven't had much time to observe the human species, except as worker bees. As the holidays approach, more people take time off, and the office should eventually slow down to a halt. You can always tell when 'the boss" is not around. People open up, talk among themselves, relax a bit. Strangely, I find this time more productive. If I hear one more person talk about what they will wear to the holiday party, I will suggest a black plastic bag. Maybe a body bag. I also do not want to hear about travel plans, how people cannot find Playstation 2, or worst of all, how much they have spent or plan to spend this year. I always refer to this as the "Retail Season." Let's examine the reality: People spend the equivalent of two full workweeks shopping for gifts, yet can't be bothered to step into a church for holiday services. Even if they do attend, the score is 80 shopping hours, 3 church hours. What should this holiday be about anyway? As you will learn, I only condemn the majority. Power to those with true beliefs, whatever they may be. Kudos to those who resist the materialistic trappings of this commercial season.

2000-11-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

Jury Duty - Day Two

I'm back at court and amazed at what constitues a "jury of one's peers." Florida, in order to boost the pool from which they select, switched from voter's registration to drivers, under the theory that people may skip voting to avoid jury duty (and let's give them a big hand for their non-part in the last election!) but the won't forgo driving. Of course, since this was put into effect, I've been called twice this year. I've been called five times in my life, serving on a jury once - my first time at jury duty. Of course, back then I had a "no-brain" job, two toned hair, a wardrobe best described as Hawaiian Floral, and a degree in the fine arts. Since then, I've reverted to normal hair, got an advanced degree, got on a career path and now wear mostly black. I like to think that I now have "get out of jury duty free" credentials. And can anyone tell me why in my young life, I have been called five times, but others in the court today are over 50 and have never served in their lives? I had one juror ask me during Curtis Court (TV trial show) what the guy who was being convicted was called. I know he meant the guy being charged, and might have believed he misspoke, but later during Matlock, he asked what it meant when a judge said "Objection Sustained." How does a man get to spitting distance of retirement with so little knowledge of the court system? Between his appearances in court as a defendant and as a witness, plus a minimal amount of legal TV should have answered those questions

I sat down today in the jury pool room. There is no better barometer of the intelligence of a group than their TV choices when voting as a group. This is why I bring a book to jury duty. Otherwise, I would have had to watch, in this order: Regis, Martha Stewart, Curtis Court, The Price is Right, and Matlock. I don't know which is worse, the selection or the fact that they acted like a studio audience. It was very distracting when they cheered the Price is Right contestants, telling them what to bid.

These people are the best arguement for professional juries. Now if we could do something about devil spawn lawyers and the overlegislated society in which we live, we might be onto something. That and sue people for filing frivilous lawsuits. How about tribal justice. Let's put the guilty on an unidentified land mass in the 10,000 islands where the Everglades meet the sea with no insect repellant. Now, if only jury questioning would allow me to raise these points. The only problem is that it would sound like perjury to avoid jury duty. I won't do it! And what is up with people outright lying to get out of jury duty. I can't talk specifics, since I am not excused yet from the case where they are interviewing the jury, but I cannot believe the amount of crapola I heard today. How does the legal system put up with these whiners? Since when is stress and work excusable, or did they miss that in the jury excuse form section?

The worst part is I still have to go back for more. Lucky me. More idiots to watch.

2000-11-27T13:13:00.000-05:00

Jury Duty

Today you get a personal rant. I had been summoned to jury duty, and got the call for today. In the particular court that called me, the daily attendees are determined by last name. My summons, received about two months ago, was in a name I no longer use. While I wondered why, when my name had been changed legally seven years ago, the summons came in the old name, I decided that the path of least resistance would be to report based upon the name they had on file. Simple enough, right?

Jury Duty is a citizen's duty, but it is incredibly inconvenient. I have to arrive an hour earlier than I would for my regular job, and the commute is three times as long, two times if I take public transportation. So off to the trains for me. Wake up at 5am to get to court by 8. Sit in the holding room until I am called to check in. When I check in, they have no record of me. What's up with that? I mentioned that the summons was not in my legal name. She asked what my new name was. I pointed out that I don't consider it a new name since I changed it seven years ago. Checking under that name, she still couldn't find anything. She told me I didn't have to stay, but to keep calling to check during the service period. Under what last name, I wondered. Then, and only then, did she actually use the computer to look me up. Sure enough, I was in there, under my current name. I asked how that could happen, since the summons was for my old name, and I did nothing to change that. The feeble explanation I got was that they updated the records for every presidential election. Last I knew, we had these elections every four years. She wanted to get rid of me, and I wanted to ensure that I wasn't on some type of "failure to report" list due to the confusion. After all, would you trust a government entity that took seven years to validate their records? So, after more feeble reassurances on her part, I left, out the cost of travel, as I wasn't formally called and would not get a certificate of attendance. So, in anticipation of some type of fine or summons for not appearing, I have documented their incompetence here ( and specifics off-line ) just in case. And for that whole ordeal, I'm still on the hook for the rest of the week!

Seven years before the discrepancy was corrected. Glad I'm on jury duty instead of on the other side...

2000-11-26T13:16:00.000-05:00

The Election

The nation's eyes are on Florida as we expect that the final counts in the election that took place three weeks ago are finally tallied and eventually disputed again. In nine month's time, let's see how many baby boys are named "Chad." Looking at the options, can you blame the people for wanting a recount? Does anyone else feel like the lawyers, not the voters, are determining the outcome of this one? How must this look to other states, where the votes have long since been counted? Just repeat after me: "It's only four years, and we can correct the mistakes at that time." Let this be a lesson to those who don't think their vote matters, for those who do not take care in the ballot booth, and those who have let an archaic system and a bunch of technicalities replace the true will of the voters. No one wants this decided by the courts.

I was going to avoid partisan commentary, but this has been bothering me. I respect Florida Govenor Jeb Bush from recusing himself from the state election commision. He has conducted himself in an exemplary manner publicly throughout this situation.

Katherine Harris, on the other hand, could not have done a better job of making a partisan fool of herself. Her narrow interpretation of state law and refusal to handle the recounts earlier on has turned this into the zoo it has become. The only good to come from her conduct is that we now have court rulings that support the process. If I were the Queen of Hearts, my ruling would be "Off with her head!" Sure, we all want this to be over, but it needs to be fair, and it needs to be done right.

So we will soon know, four years of President Bore, or four years of President Duh-bull-you. Four long years...then the people can take their revenge!

2000-11-26T12:26:00.000-05:00

Welcome to People Watcher. People never cease to amaze me. Just when you think that society may not actually be in decline, someone opens their mouth. This will be my forum to rant about the bad and rave about the good. And, as I am not above idiotic actions on my own part, I'll throw in some of my own high and low points.
Quick biography: I'm a technical worker, in a corporate environment, in an industry where growth is slowing, but profits can still be made. I am a female, live in Florida, have a graduate degree, and like music, old movies, cycling and reading. I am cynical, sarcastic, and enjoy misleading the gullible. I don't have a heck of a lot of free time, but need an outlet. This is it.